My life as a Medical Student (after 4 years)

I've always wanted to blog about my day as a medical student. However, the thought of discussing my medical school life even when it is my rest time seems so tiring, so I've never gotten myself to do it. I've always procrastinated however I think it's about time I've opened up on how I really feel about it. To future medical students, here's just my insight. It may or may not help you, at least I hope it will be a good read. As for current medical student, you may agree or disagree with my statement, it's alright. And now to the general public, it's just one point of view from one medical student. (just a clarification)

Let's take a look back at how I got into medical school. I've always thought of getting into medical school. First my results permitted me to do so (no bragging what-so-ever here). My dad has also encouraged me to do so, not forcing, but in his own way pushing me towards this field. Quote 'there's no doctor in the family (PhD not included), why not try it out?'. Me being a papa's girl, of course I'd listened, if not I wouldn't be here. Then there's the dream of working in Kenya, South Africa etc. They all looked so fragile there. It looked so cool to worked there at the time as a doctor. Lol. Me when I was younger la ha. One way or another, after much thinking and just trying my luck after my A-levels, I got into medical school. Wow!

When I first got to Sabah (yes I was sent to Sabah instead of being my dad's Alma Mater in UM, they decided to send me to UMS instead), I was in for a shock. Cried like a baby The medical school system was so different from what I had expected. Don't ask me now what I'd expected 4 years ago, I really don't remember. I remembered going through my first module exam, the stupidest module tested us on our communication skills, our medical laws, on punctuality, how to carry ourselves etc. General knowledge. I'm fine with that seriously. It's the exam which was weird. We had to answer short essay questions on punctuality? And not general answers are acceptable, meaning you memorize word for word in the lecture, reasons written there only. I was like wtf? I almost failed that module I think. *Damn* From second module onward, I found out that most medical stuff are to be learnt and memorized by heart. Oh well, brain please do not fail me~~ So far (thank goodness) it has not failed me. Phew~ Hope it last this way till I graduate (fingers crossed)

I remembered accompanying my grandma for her medical review before I entered medical school. I remembered the bunch of medical students being grilled by their professor and me laughing so hard on the inside. How karma works its way around me, that the same thing is happening to me and you can't help feeling so dumb being ridiculed in front of the patient. It's not that I did not study (I think I really did not study), it's just that when you're questioned so straightforwardly, you can't help but gulp and stutter. Haih~ How la?  It hasn't improved much since the beginning of my clinical years last year, although it is improving slowly and steadily.

My 101 picture in labcoat (somehow I don't like taking photos wearing them)

For those of you who are like me who are about to enter medical school without a thought of how it works, here's a look through at our current higher education system in M'sia. You'd enter government medical school either after your STPM, matriculation or your health sciences subjects done in local uni (UM for e.g) If you're a Chinese (not to be racist here), and you've gotten less than 3.84 for your STPM, don;t even think about medical life (pharmacist, dental included). 3.84 gives you the slimmest chance, that also into universities in the East M'sia (UNIMAS or UMS). For matriculation students, I have friends here who scored like 3.6+ (provided you're a Bumiputra), you can always try your luck due to quota from the government. Other not listed above, do not bother. There's not the slightest chance. Not being sarcastic, just the truth from what I've seen here. For all the others adamant on being a doctor, there are like tons of private medical schools in M'sia. I personally think IMU holds the highest standard although the school fees are cha-ching cha-ching. So far I've seen wonderful graduates and medical students from there. 

Once you've gotten in, (celebration!) prepare for the hard work. Think about going for night parties, scrape it. Think of going out for a cuppa with your friends, scrape it. Being in gov. university, they even provide you a curfew to come back campus to. (How 'proud' I am to be a UMS studen) For those who stay on your own, of course this doesn't apply to you. But if you're one of the few who unlike me whom memorizes things in the speed of light, feel free to party without the guilt. We love parties, we love gathering, but it is the guilt that torments you while you party. For me, it's assignments, case reports, books yet to be touched etc that prevents me from going out. And I thought I could party once I entered uni/college. *Sigh* Once in awhile we do break the rules and go out without a care in the world, but then the curfew is there. like WTF?

Coming into my feelings during my pre-clinical years. It's all about lectures day in day out. For my university being a small medical school that's so new with relatively less student, there's no way in hell you can arrange your own time table. I've always envied my sister last time for being able to go to classes at 10am. Or have the whole Friday off so she could come home early. Well nothing like that for us. Classes are 8am-5pm every single day. Yes office hours. Wear only formal clothings to class, no jeans, sneakers, t-shirts (say what??!) to keep up with our professionalism. So once our doctor cancels a class with us, we'd be jumping with joy at the thought of going back early to sleep. Lol. But then there's the torture again of rescheduling the class (which can be 8 o'clock at night). So day in day out, it has always been study study study. Why study you ask? Imagine having exams every other week! You'd be numbed by exams. You'd despise exams. But deal with it since you're already in medical school.

Coming into clinical years, now here's where the fun begins. Remember all the venepunctures (needle poking) you did during your practice sessions, how's about life human beings as your experiments? I remembered my first successful venepuncture, it's the best feeling in the world! Till today I'm still struggling with my clinical skills. I'd blame myself, I'd hate myself, I'd even scold myself for being so weak at something I'm supposed to know, but practice makes perfect. All the procedures to be performed, first you;d need to build up the courage to ask the nurse, then the patient, and lastly you yourself as the barrier. I've haven't fully believed in myself, in my skills. I'm so frustrated at how I couldn't perform at times. You know how it is like when you learn how to swim and you just can't. But the person suffering is not you, it is other people. Imagine other students poking you 2/3 times just to get blood, how much pain n discomfort caused just because he/she is not competent enough? You'd be furious wouldn't you? So till now I'm still struggling with this myself and working my way to improve myself for the betterment of my future patients. (early apology to all whom I've unintentionally hurt physically before this and in the future)

Now clinical years are all based on your self interest. There are students who pass through it without performing what they are supposed to. Clerking patient being the simplest and the most basic part, even that they refuse to do and copy from their friends. I'm not saying I am the perfect medical student. I do have my flaws and I do have my lazy time all the time, but there are things which you'd just have to do in other to not be a good doctor, but a safe one. To be a good doctor, first of all you'd have to learn not to kill your patients. a bit of negligence and mistake, the patient may just collapse and die right in front of you. I'm still learning that, I am. In order to save your patient, do not kill him first.

One of the reasons I still am passionate about this field

During your medical school years, you'd begin to wonder again, what ifs. What if I was studying another course? What if I hadn't choose this path? What if I fail myself to be a good doctor? So many what ifs, and just too many answers. I always said to myself, I hate it when doctors ask 'why do you want to be a doctor?'. There's no right answer ever! If I were to say to save lives, then there's the whole nagging on me being superficial and me telling a lie. How about answer to earn money/fame? They'd say why not be a business man or politician? I always despise being asked that question. Even I question my choice at times. But then the questions becomes so clear to you when you see a patient walking healthily back home, feeling gratitude of what you have done for her. Or when a patient slowly recovers from a stroke, and can even change from a tube feeding to solid feeding. How your little actions impact so much on a person's life. Now that's why I am sticking to this field.

Till now I have no regrets choosing this path. It is through this path I've found my first love. *giggles* But through this amazing experience is when I get to learn how to appreciate the little things in life. I do get selfish at times, forgetting how lucky I am to be where I am, or on the verge of giving up, but somehow I bounce back stronger and more passionate than ever. It's the senior doctors and specialists that I've met that makes me want to be the best that I can be. Seeing them working day in day out, without knowing what tired is and just caring for their patients, now that's who I want to be someday. Strong, passionate, knowledgeable, experienced and respectable individuals of the society. But for now, my journey is still long with lots of ups and downs. Determined as I am, I will make sure I'd be like them one day. Till the next post!

-KaRLeEn-