Confusion All Around

I know I've always said how much I would love to be in love, having someone there who truly likes (not love yet) me just the way I am, through thick and thin, happiness and sadness, health and sickness... Wait I think I just described marriage. Oops! 

I think that's the whole problem with me, I'm stuck with the idea that my first love will eventually be my husband and we'll live like happily ever with our love growing stronger by the day. There'll be no such thing as cheating, lying, affairs etc and all his attention will be on me and only me. Yes, fantasy! (yet somehow I managed to make myself sound so vain in the whole statement above!) Plus with all the ever-so-romantic drama series/movies, be it in English, Korean, Japanese, Chinese, Malay or even Bollywood blockbusters, it somehow cemented the idea that the charming prince is somewhere waiting for me, and he'll be exactly like the hero, handsome and breath taking as always, and all his eyes will be on me, the normal Jane Doe on the streets that no one gives a damn about. (Somehow the picture of Edward Cullen surfaced in my mind, and yes I'm on team Edward). *Sigh*

Back to reality. Well, I wouldn't say that I'm unlucky in love (or like will be the more appropriate word), it's just that somehow love comes pounding on the door when I am least prepared for it. Then there goes the whole wall building all around me, with standing whatever force there is to take it down. I'm freaking scared! Well it doesn't help that I'm well.. confused! And that's just an understatement. My mind will be flying so wildly that I myself can't contain it down. Don't understand what I mean? Lemme give you a scenario and you tell me whether it is normal:

Scenario 1:

I'm totally head over heels over this guy. Whenever I see him, my head spins, my heart pounds. I can't get him off my head, and I'll even picture the time he actually confess his love for me, and we'll date and eventually I'll meet his parents and friends (who adores me so much!) and we'll marry. I'll even think of where we'll stay or have how many kids at what age. Even I think I'm a psychopath now!

Scenario 2:

There'll be guy(s) somehow showing their affection towards me in one way or another (mind you this does not happen often). I'll be so scared that conversations turn awkward and I'll even dread him calling or sms-ing. I'll somehow feel burdened by it.

Now how do I go by these situations. Well for scenario 1, too bad that none of the guys that I'm head over heels for eventually profess their undying love. For now scenario 2 is happening, and I'm utterly confused! I'm thinking to myself I should just open up, I mean it's just dating right? Not like you must end up marrying the guy. Then there's the whole other part of me saying you don't totally like this guy, why hold on to him? Let him go, he deserves someone better. As I'm writing this I even feel myself spinning. I'm very confused now.

Some of you may find that my confusions aren't confusions at all. So help me! Leave me some comments and hopefully I won't still be.. confused! (I hope this will be the first and last post with so many 'confused' words in it)

-KaRLeeN-