The Hardest Thing

I'm still a bit emotional lately, so yes, this is yet again another emo post. Bear with me. If not there's always the close button at the top.

Coming from small town Port Dickson, I've always been fascinated by the sea. It's like cleansing for me. You go there, and your minds clears up. It doesn't solve your problem, but somehow it just makes you feel better (well for me it does). Now all I wanna do is look out at the sea and just scream my lungs out. All the frustrations, all the disappointments, all the anger, all the sadness, everything *poof* gone for just a moment. You will feel so relieve after that.

For me actually I still don't dare to scream and shout at the beach. Too many by-standers, later I'd be locked up in a mental institution that would be bad. So for now all I can do is just look at the sea. I wish I could go visit the Tip of Borneo now, because that's like one of the most beautiful beaches I've ever seen (note photo above). I just want, for just one moment to clear my mind.

Schedule has been hectic for this past 2 weeks. It'll get worse next week (hopefully I'd survive, fingers crossed). So I didn't have much time just for myself. But in that rare instance that I do get that extra few minutes, I actually dread having that time. Why? Because that's the time when the imagination runs wild, and all that's on my mind now is the past. It's depressing really, but I've not come to a state of depression yet. Trust me, I've checked. So it's not too bad.

What I regretted most about everything was how I never paid attention and asked. How could I have been so clueless about my surroundings and let the people around me, whom I care for suffer? That really hurts. Oh well. =( I am angry. Yes I am. But the anger has been contained so far inside me waiting to pop anytime. It just hurts that's all.

I think I'm making no sense. I should just head off to bed. Till the next post.

-KaRLeeN-