So this was the blog post I've talked about during my previous post the one I had in my mind for a long time. I think now's the accurate time to get it outta my chest (and hopefully won't land me in too much a trouble).
So I think by now most of the people who have been following my blog should know that I'm studying medicine currently. Year 4 to be exact. So before I came into medical school, everything seem to be so promising. There's this promising road ahead of you, a guaranteed comfortable life (not wealthy, comfortable is a more appropriate word to be used) as well as a job for you when you get out as people kept saying 'Not enough doctors la in M'sia' Bla bla bla.. Nonsense! I wished I knew before hand before I got myself into this situation I am in.
So let's start with the starting of medical school. Of course there'll be like people congratulating you 'you so smart; future doctor' etc etc. It will come eventually once you enrolled in a school. But bear in mind, such a small country like M'sia, we're now producing like 3K doctors per year (I think it is increasing yearly), with the limited number of specialist around to guide these new doctors, it is said that we're having an overload of doctors! *horror* So how now? If we can't go into hospital, where do we go from there on? So it's a very worrying situation. For those who are unfamiliar with the system here in M'sia, fresh graduates wherever they graduate from, if they were to come back to M'sia, they'll be allocated to public hospitals all over M'sia, under the guidance of specialist within the hospital. When they're in their housemanship, they'll be in one department for 4 months period, which during that time, if they're deem to be competent with no major screw ups, they can safely pass and proceed to the next posting. For example, I spend 4 months in Medicine, then Surgery, the O&G, then Paediatrics etc etc. If I were to screw up, then I'd be retained depending on how long my superior wants to keep me there. Now they're coming up with a new rule that, we're only allowed 3 years to finish housemanship. So now I'm just crossing my fingers hoping I don't screw up my housemanship (given the chance that I pass my final year successfully).
Many of my friends here are actually questioning their decision into coming into medical school. As the years go on, and we get older, the passion seems to fade away. Why you may ask? I still remembered myself being the fresh-faced first year medical school, out with the motto of saving the world! Then reality came hitting me right in the face. When doctors ask you:'Why do you want to become a doctor?' The simple answer of 'To save people's life' seem so cliche to them that they'd just laugh it off, call you a fake, and proceed on to persuade you to quit medical school. I mean c'mon, if you hear that once or twice it is fine, but if you hear it so often, of course the spirit will be lost sooner or later. Well that's what's happening to me. But given the fact that I'm that much more of a thick face, and with a kiasu attitude, I'm out to proof you wrong! *laughs* then hides face again.
I remember saying something about how our face gets thicker and thicker (metaphorically) as we go on in our medical school. No matter how much the specialist memburukkan you, you'll still have to hold your head up high and say no! I'll do better. Then there'll be time when some of your colleagues screws up and you'll never hear the end of it. For example (this really happened), one of the specialist got angry at us cos one of the student whom he supposedly failed him has passed. I mean like WTF has that got to do with me? I'm not the one deciding who passes and who fails. He goes on and on and on how bad our school is in comparison to other medical schools, worse yet he did it in front of an elective student from the UK. *smacks head* I think part of what he says is true, but then we as medical students, although the society thinks that life is like a breeze for us, everything paved up nicely, but then here's the ugly truth that no one wants to talk about. *shakes head in disappointment*
I look back now and think, what if? What if I hadn't chosen medicine? What if I continued on with medicine but in different school? What if I quit medical school now? So many what ifs, so little answers! Hopefully I'll look back at this post a few years from now with a smile. At least I got it out of my chest already. Till the next post!
-KaRLeeN-
