Karleen Chong

Boyfriend Criteria

2012-01-29T06:01:00.000-08:00

I came across this link that was shared on Facebook just earlier today. When I was reading through it, I thought to myself I must share it. But where? Thought of sharing it on Facebook but then the blog seemed like a better place (plus I hadn't blog since Chinese New Year). Yes I'm back to the land below the wind, fighting my every battle here. But this is too good to not be shared, so homeworks to aside, blog first!

It is written in Chinese so I thought maybe I can translate it. (My Mandarin ain't that good so pardon me if there's any wrongs what-so-ever) It seems to have summarized how I would like to be treated when in a relationship. So here it goes:

做我的男朋友，辛苦吗?

Is it hard (exhausting/tiring) being my boyfriend?

做我男朋友不需要很有钱,够用就好了;

To be my boyfriend, you don't need to have loads of money, just enough to be spent, that'll be good enough;
出手用不着很大方,肯为我花钱就好了;
When spending, you don't have to be over generous, if you're willing to spend on me, that'll good enough;

不需要你多会说甜言蜜语,在我最无助的时候,可以给肩膀靠就好了;
I don't need you to do all the sweet talking, at times when I feel the most helpless, if you're willing to lend a shoulder for me to lean on, that'll be good enough;

不需要有多浪漫,晚上陪我到处走走逛逛聊聊天就足够了;

I don't need a lot of romance, taking me out at night, walking around and talking to me is enough;

如果我们会走在一起,证明我们是相爱的.
If we are walking together, this proves that we do love each other; (I find this a little weird, wtf?)

我的要求不是很高,去逛街的时候,你会拉着我的手,看到熟人,能够和对方介绍"这是我女朋友"
I don't ask for much, when walking around, you will hold my hand, and when we meet people we know, you can introduce me as your girlfriend;

当我们不在一起的时候,会常打电话,发信息给我.证明你有在想我,讲电话的时候,要多说话,我喜欢听到你讲,那样感觉你就在我身边,不许先挂我电话,我讨厌听到"嘟'嘟" 声.

When we're not together, you will call, text me showing me that you are thinking of me. When talking on the phone, you have to talk a lot as I love listening to you speak as that gives me the feeling of you being next to me. you're not allowed to hang up first (I think this should be okay gua), as I hate hearing the sound of 'doo doo'.

不要说你很忙,那样只是证明我很自私,讨厌那种感觉,
Don't say that you're very busy, this will show that I am very selfish and I hate that feeling,

看到靓女的时候瞄几眼就好了,不要流口水~
When you see any pretty girls you can check her out, but do not drool~

久别重逢的时候,记得给我一个拥抱,在我耳边说"我好想你......

When we meet after not seeing each other for a long time, remember to give me a hug and whisper in my ears 'i miss you so much...'
我知道,我很任性,但既然你选择了和我在一起,你就应该学会包容我,能接受并指出我的不好,
I know, I am being very childish, but since you've chosen to be with me, you should learn to accommodate me, and willing to accept me while pointing out where I did wrong,
我并不是一个自我为中心的人!

I am not a person who thinks of only me, me and me!
如果你觉得我哪方面不好可以说出来,但不可以忽略我;

If you feel there's anywhere I'm doing no good, you can say to me, but you cannot ignore me;
我可以忍受你直接说不爱我,但是我讨厌你对我忽冷忽热;

I can endure you telling me directly you don't love me, but I hate it when you treat me hot and cold

我是人,有感觉,也有脾气,不要说我不喜欢听的话,要是我沉默了,那代表我不想再谈论那个话题,那么请你停止说.

I am a mere human being, I have feelings and I also have a temper. Do not say things that I don't like to hear and if I feel depress, that means I don't feel like discussing that matter anymore and please do stop talking (I think this works both ways not just me la and this does sound a tad childish)

我知道我脾气真的不好,但是要是你受不了,你可以同我说;

I know I have a bad temper, but if you really can't endure it anymore, you can say it out to me;

如果我选择了你,证明我是真的爱你,所以如果我有不好的地方,你也要说出来.

If I have chosen to be with you, this proves how much I truly love you, so if I have any wrongs, you can also say it out.

两个人在一起,就要相互信任,你可以有自己的私人空间,但是不可以欺骗我~

Being together means believing in one another, you can have your own privacy but you cannot bluff me ohr~

Reading through this really made me think, relationship really is hard work. There's the give and take. I remember watching a TV show last time saying how in a relationship, there's always a giver and a taker. or a relationship to work, both parties have to split that responsibility equally so that in the end, both feel treasured and loved. If a person continuously gives and the other continuously take, there'll come a time when the giver feels exhausted and finally gives up on that relationship. Now how sad will that be? I'm no expert in love, I have my flaws and at times I do feel I am a tad selfish. At times like that I would constantly remind myself, I can't make the world revolve around me, try standing in other people's shoes for an instance. I am getting so lovey-dovey come this Valentine's Day!

So I shall leave you guys with this thought, till the next post!

-KaRLeeN-

Back Home

2012-01-20T09:48:00.000-08:00

Nothing gets me more excited than the thought of coming back home, although it's a mere 5 days. It's Chinese New Year babey and like everyone's coming back! I can't wait!

All in the flight was awesome, minor turbulence but nothing too bad to activate my air sickness. I came out of the aircraft dizzy-free! Yay to me! The crowd going back home this year was crazy! Maybe it was because my flight was evening flight. Usually I'll opt for the early morning flight as it's less jam and I'll get back home early and start the celebration. However due to the circumstances of my time table, I had to come back home late in the evening, and go back on the third day of CNY (that also with skipping 1 day of class as CNY holidays are only 2 days, how unfair right?).

The jam towards the airport. First time experience

The whole flight was full. The departure hall was full. However with the new online check-in system, it had definitely eased the traffic over at the baggage drop counter. I made a horrific mistake of leaving my sis' Starbucks dragon back in campus (smacks head). How could I have forgotten? I couldn't help but blame myself when I found out that I forgotten about it at the airport and there was no way for me to head back and get the dragon. so this was blunder number 1. Blunder no 2 (this wasn't my fault) occurred when I checked in my luggage. Somehow, some way, when I saw my luggage going into the tracks and all, I had the odd feeling that it will never be the same again. I somehow new something was gonna happen to it, yet somehow I chose to ignore it. The results?

Tadaaa~

My perfectly fine bag (which was a gift from my former school), seem to have been 'amputated'. The horor when I saw the bag! I was even planning to bring it on board when I go to Aussie in May. Too bad the bag could not survive the hardship. =( It will be well missed for sure since it had accompanied me for almost 4 years now. Travelling all over Sabah and to-and-fro from KUL-BKI. I will definitely miss you, my bag. Getting so emotional pula. Any ways of getting a compensation, please leave a comment. However, I doubt I can get one as I did not even purchase the insurance. Aiks!

So now I should head off to bed. It's almost 2am now and I have been awake since 5.30am this morning as there was an early morning ward round at 7.30am. Had to cover bed since this morning my group was responsible. It's gonna be a long but joyful day tomorrow and I plan to enjoy every minute of it! I can't wait to start my day tomorrow, erm I mean today. Till the next post! I'm home babeh!

-KaRLeeN-

Hardships of Being a Woman

2012-01-19T07:41:00.000-08:00

You know all the Hu-ha about what men and women are equal that sorta thing? No no, this is not a post to glorify women. Don't get me wrong. But just some recent health issues that I would like to share with you guys. No no, nothing big and serious, just basic what every girl have to go through monthly, MENSES!

You see, I've never had problems with my 'aunty visits' a.k.a menses prior to university life, or more like till last year. I was perfectly fine, with occasional painful cramps here and there, nothing too serious that will affect my daily activities. However, recently, the condition has take a turn for the worst. Why I would describe it that way you may ask? From no pain till now being Mefenamic Acid dependent and at times even medications do no good, how can I say I am alrite, right?

You would think being a medical student I will be able to solve all of these. Come to think of it, a lot of medical students themselves suffer from this problem. Some have even worst condition (no names will be mentioned in this entry). A friend of mine, even jokingly suggested, go for a TAHBSO, problem solved! (TAHBSO = total abdominal hysterectomy and bilateral salphingo-oophorectomy). I was like say WHAT??! Although I am not keen with the idea of pregnancy, and all the trauma of labor, I will still say I want to have a child of my own some day (or at least have the option of wanting a child). I am thinking way too far now.

These few months, anticipating the date when my menses will come is really terrifying. It's like your waiting for the day where you'll be in pain, totally tired and just wanting to rest. It gets even worst when I start vomiting or having abnormal bowel movements! Too much information. But this is really what I have been going through these past few months. I even had to cancel dates (sorry sayang) due to the unforeseen circumstances. *sigh*

So, as I continue on my monthly battle with my 'aunty', I just hope that the condition gets better. Any suggestion from anyone is much appreciated. I've tried warm compressions, hot tea, getting active in sports etc. Now fingers crossed and hope for the better.

On a different matter, I am heading home tomorrow for Chinese New Year! OMG this year will be like, MY YEAR, the year of the dragon. I'll be like 24! So cheers to the coming new year and I'm coming home! Coming home. Tell the world I'm coming home! Till the next post!

-KaRLeeN-

Talking Too Much For My Own Good

2012-01-14T07:51:00.000-08:00

Was just thinking through of what happened today. And suddenly something struck me. I really do talk A LOT. Like A LOT a lot. Well lemme tell you the event that led me to feeling this way.

Well this morning I had an early AMSA (a student's association meeting). Imagine having to wake up at 8am on a Saturday (horror!). But I did. So the cranky me was walking down the stairs when something from the balcony caught my eyes. Somebody actually shifted some of my clothing (which included all undergarments) to the side to make place for their bed sheet! There was freaking so many other places to sun your bed sheet, now u came and practically just pushed all my clothing to aside, making all of the clothing crumpled up and who likes people touching their undergarments + towels right? I mean I didn't like freaking hog the line for 1 whole week! I just washed my clothes like yesterday noon and it was not dry yet in the evening! Now I feel like a drama queen.

The 'muka insaf' Drama Queen

I'm getting to my part of the story now. So the partially awaken me was so frustrated about this. I mean I had to wake up at 8! So this totally spoilt my mood in the morning. But this is not the point. The point was that I actually went on and on complaining about it to well, the love. I feel so bad now thinking back. I mean who likes a person who complains and complains and complains bright and early in the morning I might add that. That did not end, in the meeting, there was some issues discussed that affected the love. However, being the defensive me, I was like who was you to put the blame on him! @#$%^&@#$%& You get the idea right? I was being the controlling bitch. I feel so bad now.

At times I always wonder, with my constant complaining, I'm sure to have triggered a nerve or two. I think I even qualify as the 'gossip queen'. But I don't like to be labeled as that. No! No! Cannot! So it's not too late to make a new year's resolution. So resolution #1 this year, to stop being too much of a blabber mouth and just appreciate everything around me before I scare everyone off. *fingers crossed* Till the next post then. (Counting down 6 days till my arrival in LCCT!)

-KaRLeeN-

Quick Update

2012-01-10T01:05:00.000-08:00

I'm like having the time of my life now. Holidays are just a blessing. Yesterday was all out fun with friends, just hanging around and having a great time. It has always been us 6 for the past few months going out. It just seem right.

I actually updated today to share a youtube video I posted on us doing our version of 'Twist'. We were actually at Perdana Park in Kota Kinabalu which is situated at the junction out from Kota Kinabalu Terminal 2 Airport. Entrance fees is a mere RM 0.50 for the first four hours (the freaking cashier charged us RM1 yesterday! We zoomed off too quickly). The park is like beautiful with loads of fun for the children with the many playgrounds there. For the adults of course there's like jogging tracks for those who wants to lose that few extra pounds! As for people like me, this will be the highlight (jogging there is a tad too far from campus)

Tada! KK's very own musical fountain show!

It's really quite an experience. A great place to spend time with the family and friends too. Yesterday was my 3rd trip there, having to have gone with my siblings as well as my parents. I even got a taste of the playgrounds there (Shhh! signs everywhere stating no adults allowed). It was so much fun. Below is the video that i mentioned earlier that I wanted to share with you guys. Enjoy.

Music was provided by the park and we just did a flash mob. Till the next post!

-KaRLeeN-

When Small Gestures Matters Most

2012-01-08T07:58:00.000-08:00

2012 baby! Been a very busy beginning of 2012, with exams during the first week of 2012 itself (thank you so much to my school for making my life even more miserable). Didn't even get a chance to countdown, just spending a quiet night having dinner with the loved one. After dinner it was back to the books. But hey, hard work paid off, I'm finally having a well-deserved 1 week break before my next posting followed by CNY when I can 'tong tong chiang' back home! (It has been 6 months since I last went back already?) In my mind, I'm actually having a long 3 weeks break up until CNY is over. Lol.

The small steamboat I had on New Year's Eve. Tom Yum soup base.

Wanted to write a post to commemorate year 2011 as yet another awesome and forgettable year. I learnt so much, grown (hopefully) so much and just loved so much. I wouldn't say it was all smooth sailing from the start till the end, I remember being high on top and just sulking right at the bottom. Nonetheless, it was a great year for me, with loads of memories to be cherished and to be held with me for the rest of my life. To all those I have hurt intentionally or unintentionally, I've just got to say I'm sorry. The small girl is still finding her way in this world, blur as ever (now I know why my family kept saying I MCC). However, I have this other matter on my mind now that I just wanted to discuss it here.

You know at times, how the small little gestures you make have a big impact on the people around you? Or make it this way, how other people's gestures (no matter how big or small it is), can pull you down or lift up your day? Exhibit A, you're carrying like the heaviest bag of stuff imaginable and one good Samaritan (be it your friend, your acquaintance or a perfect stranger) comes and offer his help, how grateful you'll be for him right? It is just one small act of kindness, and there you are, looking at him like he's made of all things nice in this world.

At times we kinda forget how our small acts can have such an influence on people around us. I remember me washing up my roommates bed sheet while awaiting her arrival back from Kudat, she was so grateful for it. The same goes for me, she was so kind to wash up my bed sheet for me while waiting for me to come home. Forget about washing, the thought that she kept the room spic and span was enough to make me happy. I was grateful to have such an understanding roommate and I wouldn't trade it for anything else.

My caring roomie, Michelle. I miss hanging out with her!

Now the story of course does not end with just friendship. Now how about relationships? We've all read love stories or at the very least watched a chic flick. So where does the gentleman line ends? I for one have not really experienced being pampered out on an all-day-out dating filled with romance etc etc. Not complaining though. I'm more curious about the daily day-to-day life events. You've read on Facebook at the about how when the guy likes to hug his girlfriend, he's being called a perve and how when he doesn't, the girl says he does not love her. So where do you draw the line?

I think this situation works on footing the bill too. I'm not expecting to be spent on, as in all of my expenses to be footed out by him. According to Mad whom we had an awesome girl talk along with her boyfriend to exchange ideas, she said guys looses 2 things in a relationship, no 1 freedom (I think this was it), and no 2 cash. I for one disagree with forcing the other half to foot everything, but once in awhile, having to have him treat you an ice-cream or even to a movie with popcorn included would be a nice gesture. Is that too much to ask?

Lastly, this situation applies to family as well. Well for mine at the least. You'd love to feel appreciated for helping around the house. However, at times, what you're doing seem to be like a responsibility instead of an act of kindness. I remembered started to help out at home right after my sister left for university. Initially I was just helping out with just handwashing all the laundry. Soon enough, I was deemed to be responsible for all dirty laundry, the household cleanliness, the plate washing as well as the ironing. I would even get scolding for not finishing them on schedule. It went on to me painting the whole front gate myself, under the scorching hot sun! It was a responsibility. I remembered thinking to myself, it's not that I want you to pay me or nothing, a word of 'thank you' would have been much appreciated.

I sound like I'm complaining now. It's just that given the circumstances, I'm caught at a crossroads. Where do you exactly cross the line for being treated well without being thought of taking advantage of the other party? For me, I would treat others like how I would like to be treated. However humans are just too different from one another. So how now? I'm still confused after this post. Shall sleep on it then. Till the next post!

-KaRLeeN-

Christmas Christmas!

2011-12-25T06:48:00.000-08:00

I'm in a lovey-dovey mood today. ~~No more PMS~~ I mean it is Christmas, the season of love and joy. I have too much love in me to have my mood spoiled, even though it has been raining like one whole day today. Wet Christmas filled with love I would say.

Currently I'm stuck in small town Sikuati, Kudat to celebrate Christmas. There's like so little Christmas deco all around although majority of the people here celebrate Christmas. Unlike KK where you'll definitely feel the Christmas spirit upon stepping a foot into the malls. So what do I do when I'm stuck in a situation like this you ask? Thank goodness he's here to fill my Christmas with all the love. Hehehe. Yes, I am head-over-heels now. I sound so mushy but I don't care.

Love

So here's my all time favourite Christmas song till date. I still prefer the original version sung by Mariah alone although Mariah collaborated with Bieber recently. Merry Christmas y'all! Till the next post!

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree

I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas
Is you

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
And I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree

I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas Day

I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you
You baby

Oh I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow
And I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe

I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeer click

'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do?
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
You

Oh all the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air

And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need?
Won't you please bring my baby to me?

Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door

Oh I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is
You baby

All I want for Christmas is you baby
All I want for Christmas is you baby
All I want for Christmas is you baby

KaRLeeN

PMS Mode On

2011-12-22T10:25:00.000-08:00

I hate it whenever this kinda feelings come. The feeling where you feel that you're like lacking so much in life, that you are under-performing, not lifting up to expectations, just being an ungrateful bitch. Well it happens to me well almost every month, and I am gonna blame it on darn hormones. *PMS mode on*

I hate it how your mind convinces itself that you're in a bad situation now, you are disappointing people around you, and people around you are just angry at you. I sound like a darn psychiatric patient now. Now I know why I am strongly pushing Psychiatry as a specialty that I don't want to get in in the future. I think I will go crazy by the end of it.

Looking at things through a different angle?

So what do I do when I feel the way that I am feeling now? I'll try to finish up what I am supposed to finish up as fast as I could possibly could to kill of the guilt. As a way of convincing myself that I am actually in a good position currently. I think I should start doing that now. I shall sleep it off for now since it is already 2.30am and I am oncall tomorrow with a day pack with BSTs, lectures, and seminars. Can't wait for it (yea rite?) So hopefully this PMS of mine goes off. (I wonder what goes through the minds of those going through menopause. It must be like 10 times harder). Till then, happy thoughts happy thoughts. Nite!

-KaRLeeN-

My life as a Medical Student (after 4 years)

2011-12-05T23:05:00.000-08:00

I've always wanted to blog about my day as a medical student. However, the thought of discussing my medical school life even when it is my rest time seems so tiring, so I've never gotten myself to do it. I've always procrastinated however I think it's about time I've opened up on how I really feel about it. To future medical students, here's just my insight. It may or may not help you, at least I hope it will be a good read. As for current medical student, you may agree or disagree with my statement, it's alright. And now to the general public, it's just one point of view from one medical student. (just a clarification)

Let's take a look back at how I got into medical school. I've always thought of getting into medical school. First my results permitted me to do so (no bragging what-so-ever here). My dad has also encouraged me to do so, not forcing, but in his own way pushing me towards this field. Quote 'there's no doctor in the family (PhD not included), why not try it out?'. Me being a papa's girl, of course I'd listened, if not I wouldn't be here. Then there's the dream of working in Kenya, South Africa etc. They all looked so fragile there. It looked so cool to worked there at the time as a doctor. Lol. Me when I was younger la ha. One way or another, after much thinking and just trying my luck after my A-levels, I got into medical school. Wow!

When I first got to Sabah (yes I was sent to Sabah instead of being my dad's Alma Mater in UM, they decided to send me to UMS instead), I was in for a shock. ~~Cried like a baby~~ The medical school system was so different from what I had expected. Don't ask me now what I'd expected 4 years ago, I really don't remember. I remembered going through my first module exam, the ~~stupidest~~ module tested us on our communication skills, our medical laws, on punctuality, how to carry ourselves etc. General knowledge. I'm fine with that seriously. It's the exam which was weird. We had to answer short essay questions on punctuality? And not general answers are acceptable, meaning you memorize word for word in the lecture, reasons written there only. I was like wtf? I almost failed that module I think. *Damn* From second module onward, I found out that most medical stuff are to be learnt and memorized by heart. Oh well, brain please do not fail me~~ So far (thank goodness) it has not failed me. Phew~ Hope it last this way till I graduate (fingers crossed)

I remembered accompanying my grandma for her medical review before I entered medical school. I remembered the bunch of medical students being grilled by their professor and me laughing so hard on the inside. How karma works its way around me, that the same thing is happening to me and you can't help feeling so dumb being ridiculed in front of the patient. It's not that I did not study ~~(I think I really did not study)~~, it's just that when you're questioned so straightforwardly, you can't help but gulp and stutter. Haih~ How la? It hasn't improved much since the beginning of my clinical years last year, although it is improving slowly and steadily.

My 101 picture in labcoat (somehow I don't like taking photos wearing them)

For those of you who are like me who are about to enter medical school without a thought of how it works, here's a look through at our current higher education system in M'sia. You'd enter government medical school either after your STPM, matriculation or your health sciences subjects done in local uni (UM for e.g) If you're a Chinese (not to be racist here), and you've gotten less than 3.84 for your STPM, don;t even think about medical life (pharmacist, dental included). 3.84 gives you the slimmest chance, that also into universities in the East M'sia (UNIMAS or UMS). For matriculation students, I have friends here who scored like 3.6+ (provided you're a Bumiputra), you can always try your luck due to quota from the government. Other not listed above, do not bother. There's not the slightest chance. Not being sarcastic, just the truth from what I've seen here. For all the others adamant on being a doctor, there are like tons of private medical schools in M'sia. I personally think IMU holds the highest standard although the school fees are cha-ching cha-ching. So far I've seen wonderful graduates and medical students from there.

Once you've gotten in, (celebration!) prepare for the hard work. Think about going for night parties, scrape it. Think of going out for a cuppa with your friends, scrape it. Being in gov. university, they even provide you a curfew to come back campus to. (How 'proud' I am to be a UMS studen) For those who stay on your own, of course this doesn't apply to you. But if you're one of the few who unlike me whom memorizes things in the speed of light, feel free to party without the guilt. We love parties, we love gathering, but it is the guilt that torments you while you party. For me, it's assignments, case reports, books yet to be touched etc that prevents me from going out. And I thought I could party once I entered uni/college. *Sigh* Once in awhile we do break the rules and go out without a care in the world, but then the curfew is there. like WTF?

Coming into my feelings during my pre-clinical years. It's all about lectures day in day out. For my university being a small medical school that's so new with relatively less student, there's no way in hell you can arrange your own time table. I've always envied my sister last time for being able to go to classes at 10am. Or have the whole Friday off so she could come home early. Well nothing like that for us. Classes are 8am-5pm every single day. Yes office hours. Wear only formal clothings to class, no jeans, sneakers, t-shirts (say what??!) to keep up with our professionalism. So once our doctor cancels a class with us, we'd be jumping with joy at the thought of going back early to sleep. Lol. But then there's the torture again of rescheduling the class (which can be 8 o'clock at night). So day in day out, it has always been study study study. Why study you ask? Imagine having exams every other week! You'd be numbed by exams. You'd despise exams. But deal with it since you're already in medical school.

Coming into clinical years, now here's where the fun begins. Remember all the venepunctures (needle poking) you did during your practice sessions, how's about life human beings as your experiments? I remembered my first successful venepuncture, it's the best feeling in the world! Till today I'm still struggling with my clinical skills. I'd blame myself, I'd hate myself, I'd even scold myself for being so weak at something I'm supposed to know, but practice makes perfect. All the procedures to be performed, first you;d need to build up the courage to ask the nurse, then the patient, and lastly you yourself as the barrier. I've haven't fully believed in myself, in my skills. I'm so frustrated at how I couldn't perform at times. You know how it is like when you learn how to swim and you just can't. But the person suffering is not you, it is other people. Imagine other students poking you 2/3 times just to get blood, how much pain n discomfort caused just because he/she is not competent enough? You'd be furious wouldn't you? So till now I'm still struggling with this myself and working my way to improve myself for the betterment of my future patients. (early apology to all whom I've unintentionally hurt physically before this and in the future)

Now clinical years are all based on your self interest. There are students who pass through it without performing what they are supposed to. Clerking patient being the simplest and the most basic part, even that they refuse to do and copy from their friends. I'm not saying I am the perfect medical student. I do have my flaws and I do have my lazy time ~~all the time~~, but there are things which you'd just have to do in other to not be a good doctor, but a safe one. To be a good doctor, first of all you'd have to learn not to kill your patients. a bit of negligence and mistake, the patient may just collapse and die right in front of you. I'm still learning that, I am. In order to save your patient, do not kill him first.

One of the reasons I still am passionate about this field

During your medical school years, you'd begin to wonder again, what ifs. What if I was studying another course? What if I hadn't choose this path? What if I fail myself to be a good doctor? So many what ifs, and just too many answers. I always said to myself, I hate it when doctors ask 'why do you want to be a doctor?'. There's no right answer ever! If I were to say to save lives, then there's the whole nagging on me being superficial and me telling a lie. How about answer to earn money/fame? They'd say why not be a business man or politician? I always despise being asked that question. Even I question my choice at times. But then the questions becomes so clear to you when you see a patient walking healthily back home, feeling gratitude of what you have done for her. Or when a patient slowly recovers from a stroke, and can even change from a tube feeding to solid feeding. How your little actions impact so much on a person's life. Now that's why I am sticking to this field.

Till now I have no regrets choosing this path. It is through this path I've found my first love. *giggles* But through this amazing experience is when I get to learn how to appreciate the little things in life. I do get selfish at times, forgetting how lucky I am to be where I am, or on the verge of giving up, but somehow I bounce back stronger and more passionate than ever. It's the senior doctors and specialists that I've met that makes me want to be the best that I can be. Seeing them working day in day out, without knowing what tired is and just caring for their patients, now that's who I want to be someday. Strong, passionate, knowledgeable, experienced and respectable individuals of the society. But for now, my journey is still long with lots of ups and downs. Determined as I am, I will make sure I'd be like them one day. Till the next post!

-KaRLeEn-

It's December Baby!

2011-12-03T00:41:00.000-08:00

It's the time of the year again. How I love year ends.. It kicks start with October with the birth of my love. Then November, my favorite month of the year and now December. Christmas is coming! Sales, sales and more sales! (unfortunately yours truly is stuck in Kudat with no shopping malls what-so-ever) How I wish I could be back home to celebrate Christmas with mi familia. *sighs* It has been 5 years already since I last spent Christmas back home and it has been 6 months since I last went back home! Chinese New Year 'fai dit' come la!

Mi familia

So what I have planned for December? Heading back to Kota Kinabalu next weekend (yays!). Although it is for some forensic seminar, but am definitely going to squeeze in a month's long of shopping time + movie time + dating time + meeting up with old pals in a mere 2 days in KK. Oh well. For now I'm just hoping that my stomach does not acts up or I suddenly fall sick (touch wood) when I head back. *fingers crossed*

More gossiping to be done when I get back to KK!

Then there's my another crazy gang here

And not forgetting this crazy bunch

Hopefully all those comes true next week. I shall leave you all here for now. It'll be a merry, merry month, I know deep in my heart. *jumps with joy* Btw, has changed the blog from Kraz_zy to a more demure Karleen Chong. Hehe. It is my blog anyway. Lol. Will have to revamp the blog soon. My first new year's resolution! Hehehe. More on new year's resolution in the following posts! Till then..

-KaRLeeN-

See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil

2011-11-18T20:32:00.000-08:00

It's funny how some people only remember you at times of needs. If we were close buddies I wouldn't mind lending a helping hand. But when this happens to just acquaintances whom you barely speak a word or two in a year, or those whom even speak badly behind your backs, now wouldn't all your guards be rising up? You wouldn't help but think to yourself, why should I help you when you only remember me whenever you need me? So I choose to adopt the technique below:

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil

I think I should just enjoy my last day of holidays before I ponder on whether to help or not. If not it will just ruin my whole day! Till the next post!

-KaRlEeN-

Thinking too much

2011-11-18T09:39:00.000-08:00

It's November peeps! My favorite month of the year! (yes I'm bias cause my birthday's coming!) Am on holiday now, so this explains why I'm updating my blog.

Got together with a bunch of friends a few days back, just hanging out all day long with no specific agenda in hand. With all of us now in different postings and different districts in Sabah, it gets even harder to get everyone together to just share a laughter or two or just to catch up with each other. I miss those times tremendously! While we were chatting, we actually ended up googling ourselves online and turns out, mine came out with the most search results thanks to the blog. Looking back at the posts, I really did spend a lot of my time on it during the last few years. With 4-5 posts at least every month now turns to only 1 post a month. So early new years resolution, update blog more!

I know it's late now in M'sia, but I've just got this naggy feeling inside of me. Been there since this evening. If you've gone through my old posts, you would probably know I over-analyze stuff all the time. In other words, I think too much or am just over-sensitive. Yes, this issue is coming up again. So how now?

Yet again my mind is playing his tricks on me. I hate it when this happens. Don't worry, I do not have any hallucinations or delusions. The thought is still shake-able if discussed. I've always wanted to be the take-it-as-it-is kinda person, or whatever kinda person, but it just don't seem to work most of the time. Even now when I'm writing this I am confused as to where my thoughts are heading.

I've always believed in star signs (I mean zodiacs). A statement seem to stick with me for a tad too long. It says "Sagitarrians are pessimists when it comes to love and relationships". Judging on these past few months or these past few years, I can't help but agree. Another example of thinking too much and trying to link everything up together. To break myself free from this, I think i should turn my thinking cap off for a moment and just think of how blessed I am currently. I know I am a very lucky girl, to be blessed with all great things in life. But the human in me just can't help to want more, making me the ungrateful b*tch that I am currently. I think writing this at 1.35am in the morning just makes things worst.

For now I think I should just enjoy the small things in life. Take a look back from time to time and just smile. Making myself stress over these things will just make things worst. I think I have too much time in hand that's making my PMS go to a whole new level. Till the next post!

-KaRLeEn-

Medical Students...

2011-10-20T17:55:00.000-07:00

I remembered thinking to myself how glamorous it must have been to be a medical student. They're like the most privilege bunch of people who has everything going easy for them. All they have to do is just study their asses off. How wrong I was!! There's so much more. The picture below depicts a typical day of a medical student's life...

Still thinking of getting into the medical field? Will elaborate more on the post!

-KaRLeEn-

Blessed

2011-09-28T07:35:00.000-07:00

I was thinking of something to put up in my blog for awhile now (even more so with Mel stalking me through my blog now.. but I still love u don't worry). Then something just struck me these past few days and I just had to put it down.

It's weird (to me at least) having to spend practically the whole day with 1 person, and still miss the person at the end of the day. As faith would have put it, I was put into the same group with him throughout the whole of our 4th year (yay!). Meaning spending most of our waking hours together in classes, projects etc. Now coming to Kudat, we'll even spend time together in the kitchen (he's so sweet to do all the cleaning).

Even so, at the end of the day, I still dread letting him go back. Which is just weird! This is new to me and the feeling of being loved is just so comfy to let go. Hmmm. He was so sweet and thoughtful to think about cooking for me as I am feeling down for this few days. Blame it on the change of weather! Just knowing that someone is there for you, makes you feel so much the better. Although the cold is getting worst now. =(

Hopefully this feeling last, and does not fade away. Now my assignment is practically shrieking at me, pestering me to get it done. So till the next post! (Which hopefully will be soon)

-KaRLeEn-

My take on 當冬夜漸暖 by Stefanie Sun

2011-08-07T00:11:00.000-07:00

I'm not personally the biggest fan of chinese songs, or any one particular chinese artist (JAY CHOU! JAY CHOU!), but there's this song that has been stuck in my mind for awhile now, and I'd like to share with all of you. I'm having so much of difficulty reading chinese nowadays, it's actually a torture reading it at times (no offence to the Chinese out there, and yea I'm a Chinese too). It's so hard to master it, even worst with the olden chinese characters *faints*.

So here's the song I'm talking about, 當冬夜漸暖 by Stefanie Sun. It's from her newest album which was out earlier this year. The title of the song in English (in my best translation) would be 'when it gets warmer on a winter night'. One thing that really struck me with the song is it's lyrics. Yes I've spent more time than others to try to understand the lyrics. Chinese songs help me get in touch with my Chinese language proficiency and comprehension, so in a way it is good. But I remember singing karaoke with my friends the other day and kept skipping the lyrics cos the words are in the olden characters and so hard, just so hard to read, what more to sing. ('.')'''

I particularly like a few parts of the lyrics. The first verse which I love

很多事情不是誰說了就算
即使傷心結果還是自己擔
多少次失望表示著多少次期盼
事實證明幸福很難

This verse mostly describes the situation where there's a lot of issue arising and it just doesn't settle with confrontation. Even if we're sad, in the end, we're the one who are suffering the consequences. The number of times that we're disappointed shows how many times of our expectation. This proves just how difficult happiness/bliss is to achieve.

Hopefully my interpretation of the verse wasn't too bad. The more I listen to the song, the more I fall in love with it. What's your take on the song? Till the next post!

-KaRLeeN-

Shut off-ed

2011-07-13T06:33:00.000-07:00

I think it has became like a tradition how something will pop out during my exam period and I'll think too much and I just had to put it somewhere. Well, here's my escape, my comfort zone, writing whatever that pops up in my mind without having to face the judgmental stares or comments. Well at least you won't be doing it in front of me.

Well I have to admit it now, being in psychiatry posting isn't exactly physically tiring, it's more of an emotional and mental challenge (for me at least). It's so hard to not have the tendency of diagnosing yourself with a mental illness from the beginning, and when you have reached the end, you'll be even doing it subconsciously. It's hard reassuring yourself you're thinking too much. Let me run you through what I have diagnosed myself with in just 6 weeks of psychiatry training: it started off with mood disorders (think bipolar), then it went on to panic disorders (think of a panic attack), then personality disorder (I still think I have a paranoid personality disorder) and then there's anything else that I can find within myself. It has been a tough tough 6 weeks for me, and I blame it on my habit of thinking too much.

So now what exactly prompted me to write this post ain't about psychiatry posting. It's just what I went through today. I didn't know who to go to, so finally I came back to my blog (good in a way cos I hadn't update it for ages already). I had to let it go somewhere to just have my peace of mind back. Well remember the former post where the friend of mine stopped talking to me, more like stop communicating with me? Well today it happened again, but it was right in front of my face, and being paranoid like most of the time I can't help but put the blame on myself. It hurts really.

I hate it when I talk to someone all you get it a 'aaah' or an 'oh'. I'm not talking to the freaking wall la! Then it progress to not returning the replies at all. Now I'm really talking to the wall. Whenever someone does this to me, I'll always be lost and I will not know what to do. Should I continue talking? Or should I just keep my mouth shut? Should I try to cheer the person up? Or should I just mind my own business and eventually they will come around? I don't know. Then it will turn into an internal conflict where my mind does its thing again. It's just not a good feeling. And I don't like it!

Then after I've thought about that, now comes another conflict within me. Maybe his/her problem begin with you? What did you do la? How to fix it now? What if it can't be fix? No la, I don't think it is your problem. But then again.. And the vicious cycle continues. I myself can't stop the vicious cycle, am completely trapped and lost in the cycle, trying to find my way out. *sigh* I mean I can't have like everyone talking to me every day nicely, I mean come on we're human beings. There will sure be a day where you just want to have some time to yourself and just clear up your mind. I understand that, I really do. But at least give me a heads up first. I don't wanna go on feeling like this anymore, even more so if it's the person who I care who's doing this to me. It will seriously impact me deeply.

I think that's all I have to say. Conclusion, I hate being walled out, not knowing what's wrong with people who are close to me. Maybe I'm selfish to ask this, please at least tell me you need some time alone, there's something you need to sort out. Then I'll gladly leave you alone until you've come through with your problem. I am still saddened by today's incident of being shut off. Maybe I'm just thinking too much. Oh well, till the next post!

-KaRLeEn-

Stuck in 2 Opposite Situations at the Same Time

2011-06-29T08:28:00.000-07:00

This will be a post with 2 really opposite content. It's just that this 2 things are occurring at the same time to me. At one end, I have this friend (I consider her more of an acquaintance actually since I don't really know her) who I just want to tell her to stay away from me; at the other end, I have this friend who seems to kind of ended our relationship just like that. How can this happen to me, both at the same time too? *Puzzled*

So I've came up with a question for my first situation, 'How do you tell someone to buzz off in the friendliest way possible?'. I shall tell you why I'm trying to avoid this particular individual. Let's refer her as Ms. B, as in baby. Now Ms B is a well-known baby in the class (for me at least). I don't know her well, so I guess I actually do not have a right to judge. But (yes there's a but), from my encounters with her, she has just been a pain in the ass literally. Let's take a turn here and begin with a story to help you all understand better. So as you all who have paid close attention to me on Facebook would have known that I'll be flying off to Sydney for my electives next year. *claps* Aussie has been like my dream destination since I was a kid and imagine my happiness when I found out I got in! It was definitely included in my list of top 10 happiest day.

So why bring up that story? You see it all started on one fine day when Ms B suddenly decided she wants to have her electives done in Aussie too. *Groans* She does not ask any of my other 3 friends for info, instead she chose me! *Groans even more* She kept pestering me about this and that. It's ok if you do it once or twice, but to ask me so many times on Facebook, even popping up chats with me all of a sudden, then to make matters worse, she got a hold of my phone number. Then she started sms-ing me, even calling me for the slightest details ever! I mean hello, you're a grown woman right? Haven't you heard of such thing as the INTERNET to find out phone number of the mailing company you want to use to mail your stuff? *Groans*

As fate has it, she got a place too in the SAME hospital as me! *on the verge of crying* I tried so hard to actually discourage her from applying. As it's quite difficult to find accommodation there, I tried to use that, but it failed miserably. Thank goodness she's not gonna stay in the same house as me in Aussie as my house is currently full (hopes it stays that way). Now most of you must be wondering, why do I resent this girl so much? Let's see, I've barely spoken to her over the past 3 years of us being classmates and now she decides she wants to be my close friend? No, thank you. She also has the history of being extremely home sick, crying excessively and just being down. I don't want to be a f*cking baby sitter when I'm in Aussie! I know this is selfish, but this is my trip, my dream destination, I want it my way for once. Is that too much to ask?

So how now? I've chosen the easiest road out now and stopped replying her messages. She's tagging along for sure now. Asking what flight ticket to book, visa, passport, immunization records, criminal records etc. I'm not even close to her and I don't intend to. I just hate it when people who you are not close to suddenly comes and you're like her close friend. So I'm lost now and don't know what to do. *sigh*

Now on to story no 2. Well this has been on my mind for awhile now. Ever since my life took a turn at the end of May this year, lots of drama has unfold and I think I mentioned a few here on my blog too. On the way, I think I kind of lost a friend. Let's face it now, I know I've lost a friend. A friend who was there from the very beginning of my medical journey, spending time listening to my nagging at times, or even medical lectures; hearing me sing when I'm happy, and also cry when I was so sad. Now it's all gone, *poof* just like that.

I always remember him conteng-ing my Facebook wall like all the time, calling up at random times just to say 'hi'. And being the worst friend ever (I've got to admit this), 9/10 times when I find him, I'm always in some sort of trouble/dead end. He was the sweetest thing to me during my 3 years of medical school life, once even miscalling me 32 times just to wake me up in the middle of the night so that I can study. All's gone now I guess.Lost just like that. I tried buzzing him on his wall, I tried commenting on his pictures, I tried sms-ing him even. Guess I was not much of a friend after all. It's as if I'm invisible and if you're reading this, consider me invisible forever than. As I mentioned to you before, it hurts. I've always lived with the belief of 'treating others like how you want to be treated'. I would never treat another friend like that. As for the above situation, I would not go and hassle another person I barely know, acting as if I'm his/her close friend.

So now here I am stuck in 2 of the weirdest situation, 2 completely different situation at once. I'm not the happiest person now, but I think it's my anger talking now. Being in psychiatry posting doesn't help either with me self-diagnosing myself with a new psychiatric disorder every other day. So for now, I'll just sleep on it and tomorrow will be a brighter day. *fingers crossed* Till the next entry!

-KaRleEn-

With no Expectations, Comes no Disappointment?

2011-06-18T09:09:00.000-07:00

I foresee a long post coming up. I was contemplating on whether to write this post or not, but somehow I think the time is right now. I've always treated my blog as a source of escape, somewhat my 'safety zone' for me to express whatever I like. Judge me all you want, I don't give a damn. (If only my spirit was that much stronger in my daily life *sigh*)

So I've embarked on a fascinating new journey just last month. I've always imagined myself being in this position someday, opening up (at least trying to) to someone and just be vulnerable for a bit. Being a huge fans of television drama for umpteen years, I guess my expectations are kind of high and that did not really help with the situation. I've been feeling like this for quite some time now and am not too sure whether it is normal. I mean it's a whole new thing for me, at times I'd be high up in the air; at times my mind will be playing its' own tricks and just pull me down so far that I find it hard to recover. I'd always blame myself for thinking too much and complicate things. But what if it's a sign that I shouldn't ignore?

Growing up I've kind of developed this 'tidak apa' or 'whatever' attitude in me towards expectations over other people. I've never had things go my way from when I was younger, thus bringing me to stop requesting for things, anything at all. From then on, I've started to developing a habit of concealing my feelings, all my wants and desire to myself and just hope that others may see it. I sound like a spoil brat now for not being content of what I have. I am content, it's just that it has been inside me for so long that I didn't realize it to be a problem up till recent few events where this habit of mine really became much of a nuisance. I've always thought that following others, pleasing them would make them happier, although deep down inside me I want to be the queen, but I just can't.

I asked him today:' Do you prefer a girl who does her best to please you or do you prefer a girl who's constantly demanding?' He chose the latter who's so not me and that really hit me hard. I'm a please-r, not a demand-er although most out side my close circle of friends wouldn't know that since I've always portray myself to be strong on the outside (I think so). I don't like expecting things from others, because I've always been a person who believes it when someone promises something and they will fulfill it. Whenever the promise is broken, no matter how big or small it is, it'd leave a huge impact on me. I mean, you said you promised! Why break it? I've always thought that expectation will eventually lead to disappointment, but he's trying to tell me now that expectation is actually something good?

Whenever I demand for something, I'd eventually put the blame back on myself, thinking why did I burden the poor fellow so much? I hate that guilt that plays his games within my head, it's frustrating. Sidetracking from this story, having always to be compared to others like he's constantly doing now (whether he realizes it or not) just doesn't sit too well on me. For his case, it's just one person, and with him bringing up that person is enough for me to suddenly feel down. I'm not the most confident person in this world, and to constantly having to measure up to his past, whether it was done on purpose or without purpose, it's tiring. I guess he was just trying to share his past with me and I'm just being sensitive. See what my mind does to me now?

All in all, I am having a fairly good time with him although at times I do feel the tension. I still don't know whether it was wise of me to have taken this step, clueless. I guess I should stop all these mind games as I've read that people who complicate their own life eventually live a complicated life. If you look at life in a simplified way, I guess it'd be much simpler. I don't know. What do you think? Till the next post!

-KaRLeeN-

Put Yourself in Their Shoes for a Day and You'd See How Lucky You and I are

2011-06-10T01:40:00.000-07:00

So I've finally started my first rotation of my fourth year. As fate have decided, I have been posted to Psychiatry posting. The nervousness going into this posting was real unbearable at times, but somehow I survived my first week in Bukit Padang Hospital.

Once everyone hears of the word psychiatric patient, I'm guessing everyone will have the fear. Fear of them going wild; fear of being attacked; fear of being disturbed. Yes, typical me did go through the same thing. It didn't help with me having a memory of someone close to me, having a psychiatric problem, and having to shout at my brother like there's no tomorrow. The image of what happened that fateful day is still clear in my mind as there was nothing I could do to protect my brother. As much as my brother and I fought when we were younger, no one had the right to scold him for something he didn't do! I was so helpless that time, and thank god he did not attacked my brother. The fear still haunts me till this date...

So coming back to the original story.. The 5 days I have spent in the hospital has seriously changed my perception over people with mental illness. Think all people who are mentally ill are uncontrollable, violent or just plain scary? Well no really. Dementia patients are also categorized as patient with mental problems. They couldn't care for themselves and them being so old and fragile being left in the hospital is just heart breaking at times. How about depression? It's also a serious mental problem. I've seen for myself, depressed patients or even patients with anxiety disorders coming in seeking treatment. How helpless they must be feeling? Put yourself in their shoes and imagine this. How awful it must be to be sad, unhappy and unmotivated to continue on your life? Or how about having to constantly fear your surroundings? It must be tough on them.

Mental illness also targets the younger generation. Yes! Children as young as 1 years old can have mental problems. Seen a child with autism, down syndrome or a hyperactive child before? All these are common mental problems that often occur in children. Today I had the privileged of witnessing how the Child Enrichment and Intervention Centre work in Bukit Padang Hospital. Watching the hyperactive child jumping up and down, struggling to keep his eyes on his work, having a temper of his own... It was all such an eye opener. Think being a parent is tough? Try being a parent to a child with mental disorder.

Now you must wonder why do I say that? Take a hyperactive child as an example. You'll need to pay that much more attention at him or her, fearing he might just bang his head on the wall, grasp something and put into his mouth. I've even heard stories today about how a child got into a ferry and was shipped to Labuan! Imagine the fear of his parents! Another horrifying story is of a young child who strangled 3 kittens and placed them into the fridge. How frightening that can be! It's tough. They're your child. Somehow I guess you would blame yourself for things that happen to them. It's so tough on you physically as well as emotionally. Like today, the 5 year old child, cute as a button, jumps and play like any other normal kids you see out on the streets. But till date, he doesn't even know how to utter the word 'mummy'. With him running here and there, struggling to finish his puzzles, it's just heart wrenching.

Don't get me wrong in saying these kids are all bad. There's always that little moment that makes you go 'awww'. Take the 5 year old child for example, everytime he finishes a puzzle, he'll clap hand and laugh. It's so touching to see that and you can't help but just smile. When he was heading back, he even came and shake and kiss our hands. =) There's another kid in particular who came today, let's name him W. So W was on art therapy today. He finished his coloring so obediently. However when it came to drawing, he suddenly threw a temper and refused to even stare at any of us. There was once he even uttered a bad word and pointed his middle finger! >.< But with much persuasion, he finally gave in. During play time, we kinda bonded and he was such an angel. I'm smiling while writing this.

All in all, psychiatric patients are just like you and I, they need to be loved and cared. Once I gotten passed my childhood fear, things have been looking much better. I don't know how I'd fair in this posting, but I guess it'll really be an eye opening experience for me. I can guarantee that much. Till the next post!

-KaRLeeN-

Just a Thought

2011-05-23T05:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was such a blur to me. Who would have thought that it will happen? Not me that is. What started of to be meaningless messages actually end up with such big results. Even I'm still shock over it. I haven't been placed in a situation like that, so vulnerable, no, never. Never let my guards down that much yet it seem like the right thing to do.

So it has been just 24 hours now. I'm still in the process of digesting what's going on. I'm no pro in this. I've never thought that I might actually be this serious. Never. Oh shit! I had to let it out somewhere and where else better to do that than here. It's like my escape. My way of expressing myself indirectly, letting everything go here. At least I feel much better now.

Don't get me wrong. I'm actually in a good position here now. Just needing some time to adjust. Will of course share the news when I'm ready. Till then.:)

-KaRLeeN-

Friends

2011-05-19T21:34:00.000-07:00

Was having not a particularly rough day yesterday. Actually I've been getting so emotional for the past few weeks and yes I'm gonna blame it on the hormones. Now comes the question why am I so emotional you may ask. I mean I'm like having so much of free time now, with no exams around the corner and just lectures all day long. I know for most people lectures may seem like such a bore, it is to me too. But us as medical students (well for me especially), I've never had a time in medical school where there's no exams around the corner, it'll be exams every single month and worst, 2 times a month! Well then all that's gonna change but I'll get to that later.

So anyway as the heading goes, this post has something to do with friends. I'm not talking about acquaintances, 'hi-bye' friends or your 1000 over friends on your facebook, friendster, myspace etc pages. I'm talking about a friend where you know who'll always be there regardless of the circumstances, and whatever that's bothering them they'll come straight out and tell you what's the problem. Friends who criticize your hair on your bad hair day and you'll end up having a ball laughing about it. Friends who's there to lend you a shoulder to cry on. I think you get my meaning by now right?

The problem with me is, I've always find it hard to have close girl friends. Whether it was primary school, secondary school, high school or even university, it has always been tough. (Now I'm feeling like a pathetic loser for not only not having a boyfriend, but now not having a close bunch of girlfriends too?). I have girl friends don't get me wrong, but somehow they always end badly. Take for example, my kindergarten days, I had this close friend named Rebecca. We were close right up till kindergarten school was over, then we went separate schools. To make matters worse, she shifted states right after that. I've got no idea where she is now. So you get the picture.

Come primary school, well frankly, I can't recall being particularly close to any girls. For real! I just remembered being super busy with my extra-curricular activities, whether it was tennis, ping pong, swimming, badminton, even public speaking. Or when I'm in school, I'm the head prefect and there goes the time where I'll wander around the school, alone and occasionally saying hi's and bye's to my other prefects. I don't have a girl friend who lines up with me as I was always on duty. I didn't have someone sitting next to me as I was in the middle row where the "TALL' people sat. *sighs* So there goes my primary school life.

Come secondary school, I was particularly close to one punjabi girl, Kiran. She's my neighbor from the same housing area. I've not gotten to know her right until my first day of school. Then we always go to class together, hang out during school, or after tuition and that's it. I've never had a heart to heart with her. It was just weird. You know how girls like to share crushes amongst each other, well I've never done that with her or any other person during secondary school. Weird. Now I feel like the nerd who had no friends. Well anyway I survived, and I still consider her as one of my closest friends. Although I've not met her for like 5 years now (yes we stay at the same neighborhood), maybe it's time for a change.

So high school or form 6 for me la. I finally found a friend I could call as my best friend. She's like the total opposite of me! I love sports, she finds sports a waste of time; I love being under the sun, she loves crawling under her sheets on a rainy day; I love shopping, she says shopping is a waste of time and time is better spent at home in an air conditioned room; I think you get the picture. But somehow, opposite do attract. I've told her so many of my stories and she listens patiently (sorry for that and I hope I listened to yours too). She do criticize me, yes she does, with love though. And somehow, we're like so far apart now. :( She's all the way in Singapore while here I am in Sabah. How fair is life no?

So now comes university life. I've been stabbed in the back, having people call me a fake or a liar (this was year one). That did happen to me, and when that happen to me, all my friends shy away from me and luckily for Kee Nam (don't SS while you're reading this k?), he somehow still talked to me at the very least. And thank you for that. Now come 4th year. I have a close girl friend which I'll call her miss J for now. So miss J and I are quite similar in personality. We can even finish each others sentences, know what the others are thinking, even think about similar food at similar times. I can even go and have a great time with her and her boy friend being the big lightbulb that I am. So what happened you ask? We somehow drifted apart this year. We don't talk that often, and talking seems so awkward now with her. It's sad.

So yesterday we were discussing something about and upcoming project we're working on. Maybe I'm just being over sensitive, but the tone of voice that she used was quite unfriendly. So it just left a mark. Maybe as they said we shouldn't mix pleasure with work. Whatever is said while working should be left there. But it is seriously easier said than done. Hopefully as time progresses it'll all go well. We don't talk often now. Don't kacau each other while bathing. Don't laugh our ways while meeting each other at the corridor (yes we stay on the same floor). Hopefully all's not lost.

Yesterday left me sitting thinking I seriously have no friends in Sabah. Yes that's how I felt. Yes I know I'm sensitive and emotional. It's within me, and I guess I should work at it. But all's not lost, cause when I'm down yesterday, Pei Jun somehow got a message from me, and sent a link to me through Facebook. Here it is...

The title of the song says it all. I was so touched as I didn't even tell her anything and somehow she could sense it! I haven't been the best of friend to her, but I can say she's one friend I will treasure for life. Thank you so much. I miss you so much! All's not lost I must say.

So now back to the initial story of me having no exams for a long time. We were given a briefing on Paediatrics (kid's) posting early this morning. Not only did they change the curricular where they packed all lectures into one week, now we got to know that they'll be testing us on all lectures (which is like 15 lectures in all) on paediatrics which we are new to, on the weekend of all lectures! This assessment they said will be included in our final results too. I'm not happy. Yes. Not happy. We're already having lectures everyday at 8am-5pm, with only lunch break in between lectures, everyday 5 lectures (so maybe it's more than 15 lectures after all) for a week, then come saturday we'll be given exams. Me not a happy student!! :(

Breathe breathe.. All's well. I'm not in this alone after all. I think I shall leave it here and not complain to much d. Till the next post!

-KaRLeeN-

I'm Getting More Lovey Dovey by the Day

2011-05-17T08:24:00.000-07:00

Heard the song while watching 'The Back Up Plan' featuring Jennifer Lopez and Alex O'loughlin. The lyric 'If I let you know about the way I feel, Don't know what you gonna do' somehow stuck with me and made me google the song. Couldn't find the original music video though. But I've got the next best thing from youtube!

Then I proceed further to find the lyrics and totally fell in love with the song. Lol. I'm getting too emotional these days. But feast your eyes on the lyrics...

Boy you put me on the spot I don't know what to say
But I'm trying anyway
Like my hearts gonna drop
My mind drifts away and I can't control the pains

Words are spinning in my head
Don't know why I'm holding back
I should just tell you how I'm feeling yeah heh

But I don't wanna act a fool
Don't wanna look confused
If I let you know about the way I feel
Don't know what you gonna do
So I keep it locked inside
And imagine you were mine
And I'm feeling you so close but yet so far
You hold the key to my heart

The more I brush it off
Tell myself it's nothing at all
Deeper I fall
And I imagine everyday
A thousand different ways
How you respond to what I say

Am I getting lost in my dreams?
Are you unreachable to me?
Cause these butterflies just won't go away

I don't wanna act a fool
Don't wanna look confused
If I let you know about the way I feel
Don't know what you gonna do
So I keep it locked inside
And imagine lyricsmusicvideo.blogspot.com you were mine
And I'm feeling you so close but yet so far
You hold the key to my heart

But if I never tell you then you'll never know
And the secret is get-ting heavy to hold
This is more than just a crush
So I may stut-ter when I speak
And my knees may get a little weak
But I've got nothing to lose and only you to gain
Tell me do you feel the same

But I don't wanna act a fool
Don't wanna look confused
If I let you know about the way I feel
Don't know what you gonna do
So I keep it locked inside
And imagine you were mine
And I'm feeling you so close but yet so far
You hold the key to my heart

I think I'm getting confused with my feelings these few days. Hopefully everything clears out as time pass. I hope I'm not falling for someone I've never in the world thought I would. And I can just imagine his evil laughter now. It's wrong. He's too good a friend and too fun to tease. (No it's not you Izzy Wizzy, don't worry about it). I shall head back to my article and hopefully I'll get it done by today! Weee~ Till the next post!

-Karleen-

Current Song That's Stuck in My Head

2011-05-08T10:19:00.000-07:00

I've been having my crush for so long now. A year plus if I'm not mistaken. Seeing him every time to be so near yet somehow so far is just hard. I've always liked this quote 'The worst way to miss someone is to have them sitting right next to you and you know you can never have them'. So true. I guess the whole quote is self explanatory.

So currently this song speaks so much of what I'm feeling now. Check it out. It's Taylor Swift's I'd lie which is like such an old song. But it's just so true! :)

Here's the lyrics. Enjoy! Till the next post..

I don't think that passenger seat

Has ever looked this good to me

He tells me about his night

And I count the colors in his eyes

He'll never fall in love he swears

As he runs his fingers through his hair

I'm laughing 'cause I hope he's wrong

And I don't think it ever crossed his mind

He tells a joke I fake a smile

That I know all his favorite songs and

I could tell you his favorite colors green

He loves to argue, born on the seventeenth

His sister's beautiful, he has his father's eyes

And if you ask me if I love him, I'd lie

He looks around the room

Innocently overlooks the truth

Shouldn't a light go on?

Doesn't he know I've had him memorized for so long?

He sees everything black and white
Never let nobody see him cry

I don't let nobody see me wishing he was mine

I could tell you his favorite colors green

He loves to argue, born on the seventeenth

His sister's beautiful, he has his father's eyes

And if you ask me if I love him, I'd lie

He stands there then walks away

My God, if I could only say

I'm holding every breathe for you

He'd never tell you but he can play guitar

I think he can see through everything but my heart

First thought when I wake up is, "My god, he's beautiful"

So I put on my make up and pray for a miracle

Yes, I could tell you his favorite colors green

He loves to argue oh and it kills me

His sisters beautiful he has his father's eyes

And if you asked me if I love him

If you ask me if I love him, I'd lie

-KaRLeeN-

Confusion All Around

2011-04-20T09:53:00.000-07:00

I know I've always said how much I would love to be in love, having someone there who truly likes (not love yet) me just the way I am, through thick and thin, happiness and sadness, health and sickness... Wait I think I just described marriage. Oops!

I think that's the whole problem with me, I'm stuck with the idea that my first love will eventually be my husband and we'll live like happily ever with our love growing stronger by the day. There'll be no such thing as cheating, lying, affairs etc and all his attention will be on me and only me. Yes, fantasy! (yet somehow I managed to make myself sound so vain in the whole statement above!) Plus with all the ever-so-romantic drama series/movies, be it in English, Korean, Japanese, Chinese, Malay or even Bollywood blockbusters, it somehow cemented the idea that the charming prince is somewhere waiting for me, and he'll be exactly like the hero, handsome and breath taking as always, and all his eyes will be on me, the normal Jane Doe on the streets that no one gives a damn about. (Somehow the picture of Edward Cullen surfaced in my mind, and yes I'm on team Edward). *Sigh*

Back to reality. Well, I wouldn't say that I'm unlucky in love (or like will be the more appropriate word), it's just that somehow love comes pounding on the door when I am least prepared for it. Then there goes the whole wall building all around me, with standing whatever force there is to take it down. I'm freaking scared! Well it doesn't help that I'm well.. confused! And that's just an understatement. My mind will be flying so wildly that I myself can't contain it down. Don't understand what I mean? Lemme give you a scenario and you tell me whether it is normal:

Scenario 1:

I'm totally head over heels over this guy. Whenever I see him, my head spins, my heart pounds. I can't get him off my head, and I'll even picture the time he actually confess his love for me, and we'll date and eventually I'll meet his parents and friends (who adores me so much!) and we'll marry. I'll even think of where we'll stay or have how many kids at what age. Even I think I'm a psychopath now!

Scenario 2:

There'll be guy(s) somehow showing their affection towards me in one way or another (mind you this does not happen often). I'll be so scared that conversations turn awkward and I'll even dread him calling or sms-ing. I'll somehow feel burdened by it.

Now how do I go by these situations. Well for scenario 1, too bad that none of the guys that I'm head over heels for eventually profess their undying love. For now scenario 2 is happening, and I'm utterly confused! I'm thinking to myself I should just open up, I mean it's just dating right? Not like you must end up marrying the guy. Then there's the whole other part of me saying you don't totally like this guy, why hold on to him? Let him go, he deserves someone better. As I'm writing this I even feel myself spinning. I'm very confused now.

Some of you may find that my confusions aren't confusions at all. So help me! Leave me some comments and hopefully I won't still be.. confused! (I hope this will be the first and last post with so many 'confused' words in it)

-KaRLeeN-

Things you Do for Love

2011-04-17T10:02:00.000-07:00

Don't get me wrong. No no. I'm not in love (yet). This is more of sibling love. As everyone knows (or haven't already know), I come from a family where tennis is just huge. I mean all my family members play tennis, from my dad, my mom, my sis, me and up to my bro. My dad being the leader actually coached every single one of us. He deserves some credit after all his hard work and patience as coaching is seriously tiring!

So why mention tennis all of a sudden you may ask. See my brother signed up for a contest on facebook recently (due to my constant persuasion that is). I though this may be a chance for him to win a racket since his racket (two i might add) cracked when he sent it for stringing (crappy sports shop who screwed up the tension). So this may just be the chance for him to win back his racket (fingers crossed).

So I'm pleading for all of your help as the more votes he gets, the better chance of him winning. I'm sure most of you have facebook accounts. It doesn't take more than one minute actually. First click on this link, http://www.facebook.com/DSAtennis and the page as follow appears.

Dunlop Sports Asia Tennis Facebook Site

Click the Like button located at the top of the page. Then proceed on to this link, http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150219889947146&set=pu.230582737145&type=1&theater and the following photo will appear

A snapshot of my bro playing tennis

Then you'll see a 'like' button at the bottom of the page like this

Click on it and your vote is added into the count. It's that simple! Your simple gesture will mean so much to all of us. Who knows one of the following will be his soon...

Dunlop Biomimetic Series

Hopefully all of you will help us in our bid to win a small competition such as this. This is the most I can do to help my brother, by spreading the word around. Please help and your help will be fully appreaciated. Till the next post!

P/s: Looking forward to see the numbers of like increase at the photo (fingers crossed)

-KaRLeeN-

Need your Help

2011-04-13T08:21:00.000-07:00

I have some disturbing images in my head that I just can't seem to erase. It's haunting me really, and gets me having all kinds of whacky thoughts. Anyway I can overcome it? I'm getting pretty frustrated now.

-KaRlEeN-

Family Business

2011-04-07T08:46:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, my gramma is currently (still) running the family business. What you may ask? Only what Hakka people do best, FOOD! (Non-halal by the way)

The Signboard (Been there ever since I can remember)

Located in small town, Mantin (in between Seremban and Nilai), Negeri Sembilan, you'll definitely not miss the hawker centre when travelling through the old road to Nilai or Seremban. This business was started off by my great grandma (about 40-50 years now), and it was located elsewhere before it was permanently shifted to its current location. With its strategic location as being the first shop, it's definitely not to be missed. But if you do, just remember to look for the sign above that says 'Kedai Makanan Tin Seng' as seen in the above picture.

A look from inside the hawker centre

The shop front (with my baby elephant there of cos)

Now what will you find inside the shop you may ask? I guess most of you must have heard of Ampang Yong Tau Fu, but feast your eyes now on Mantin Yong Tau Fu.

Stuffed Brinjal (front), Stuffed Green Chili (back)

Stuffed Tau Fu Pok

Now you have Fu Chuk (Left) and Meatball (right)

Stuffed Bitter Gourd (Left) and Stuffed Ladies' Finger

Now of cos the main attraction, Stuffed Tauhu (Yong Tau Fu)

The shop opens for business every Wednesday-Sunday from about 11am-5pm. It has became a way of life I would say for my grandma, my grandaunt, as well as my auntie. Ever since my grandma had a scare of a minor shop while minding the shop, she stopped visiting the shop. So my uncle comes down and help out every time the shop opens. A look at the anchors behind the shop...

My strong grandaunt who does the frying

My uncle Lawrence who does all the other work inside the shop

My bro, the busy body

My Superdad

Didn't manage to get a picture of my auntie and my grandma. Maybe next time. Moving forward, photos of food being served.

Now you have the normal dry noodles

Now add on the Stuffed Tauhu and Brinjal

The Curry Meehoon with the Stuffed Tauhu and Brinjal

The final product of the fried Noodle + Kuey Tiow

Uncle enjoying his lunch after the busy lunch hour

Since it's located at a small town, pricing is reasonable of course. 1 stuffed item is worth RM 0.70 with. This includes also the meatball as well as the fishball. The stuffed brinjal is one of my all time favourite. It's soft and just melts in the mouth, fulfilling all pallet of flavors. Just thinking about it makes me hungry. Besides Mee (noodles), there's also a large variety of noodles to choose from like mee hoon, Kuey Tiow as well as 'Lou Shu Fan'. I seriously do not know how to translate that to English.

I just had to include this photo, the uncle selling items right next to the shop

If you ever pass by, just come give it a try. Trust me, once you've tried you'll definitely love it. I'm not saying this as the grand daughter of the shop owner, but no harm giving it a try. I was thinking to myself of a new topic to write in my blog. I've never written about food as I'm not choosy when it comes to eating. While on a trip back home, this idea just struck and I thought to myself why not? Hehe.

The elephant helping out

And Muah of cos helping out

Who knows, one day if any of you drop by, you might just spot me at the back of the shop washing the plates. Or maybe up front eating. Lol. Since most of the selling and buying goes on through speaking of Hakka and me not familiar with the pricing, I'd rather stay back and not cause too much of a trouble.

This business is still running as my family does enjoy activities on going in the shop. At least it keeps them occupied rather than stay home with nothing to do. At least they are still moving around, keeping themselves active. Well that's how I see it although I know this is all hard work, and with this hard work, that's how my grandma gotta raise all 6 of my uncles and aunties and carrying on the family business. Well till the next post!

-KaRLeeN-

The Curse of Being the Middle Child

2011-03-20T06:57:00.000-07:00

I guess the title says it all, and most of those who are middle child will somehow agree with me on this post. Well for those who aren't, just take a minute and read on. I know I complain a tad too much but I had to let it go somewhere. So rather than taking on people personally on real life, hurting a person or two in the process, why not do it here. How thoughtful of me, I know! Self praise a little. :)

So let's have my side of the story. I've always dreaded being a middle child. Ever since I realized it while reading through an article, it had stuck with me till now (stupid article!). Having a near perfect sister didn't help the situation, AT ALL! To constantly try to keep up with her, be it academically or in co-curriculum was tiring enough.To add that all up, to have other people just try to pay attention to me as much as they pay attention to her, or even half of that I'll be happy enough. Well you can say that I was overshadowed by her success and all. Well that's how I see it which is bad I know! That played a huge part of me having a low self-esteem which you usually cannot see it in the exterior (or maybe you do I don't know!), but definitely felt by me interiorly.

So growing up I always compared myself with my sister, like everyone else did although they say they don't. Well there's just somethings where you can't exactly make it up with just that bit of effort. Needless to say my sis is the gorgeous one in the family, while I'm the not-so-noticeable, geeky one. You feel proud just by walking at her side. They'll be praising 'oh you look so pretty.. yada yada yada', then they'll look at me with the 'you've-gained-a-few-pounds-stare which feels so awful! I feel like Betty (from the show Ugly Betty) so much now. I had braces on too. Ugh! Bad memories...

Despite all the resentment I feel, you can't help but love my sis. Whoever who's a friend or a friend of a friend would wanna be her friend. You get what I mean? She's just likable, very charming. Don't get me wrong, I do love my sis. If ever anyone hurts her, I wouldn't even blink to crush the other person with my bare hands if I have to. Well that's another thing about being the middle child, you get so (how do you put this), I mean you want to please like everyone if you can! Even if they are mean to you (for my case that is). Take for example in my house, whenever there's like a huge tension going on, I can't help but blame myself for it. My mind will do its own work of somehow linking all that's happening and somehow I'm at fault. I'll feel so bad that I'll be quiet although usually I'm like so loud (I think that's like a seeking attention trait in me). I still do this, whether it's at home, at school, with my friends. I seriously need to stop it!

I think I've stayed cooped up in my house during the holidays for too long and this had got me all emotional and thinking all these stuff. I need a trip to somewhere, ANYWHERE! If only I had the financial freedom and just plain freedom. I feel so restless and helpless at home. And to make myself helpful, I'd always help out with the washing and the cleaning at home (minus the cooking) just to not seem like a parasite. I feel like a parasite sometimes at home. To make it up for it, I've devised a plan since my secondary school year days to work my ass off in school as well as try to somehow excel in sports just to make my family feel proud. But somehow I don't feel like I've done enough. This is just plain sad.

All the insecurities I have on me since I've been growing up, I've gotta learn to live with it, or better yet gain some kinda respect from myself. Self loving I would say. I've gotta learn how to love myself. I feel so much better letting out that teeny tiny bit out of my chest. At least I wouldn't get so agitated around people. Which will be good. I think I gotta head to bed, gotta wake up early cos I'm at home and I can't break my 16 hours sleeping record here as it's just wrong to sleep till so late (10am is late?). Till the next post!

-KaRLeeN-

Long buried frustration

2011-03-07T20:02:00.000-08:00

I finally understand why I was so down during my exam week. It was because of all the frustration and disappointment. I think I've been putting too much pressure on myself throughout the whole exam that I didn't enjoy the exams at all! To top it all of, they gave me a CNS examination for short case. Like WTF??! My examination was all over the place, I was sweating like a mad woman inside the aircond examination hall. Lol. It was all good cause I passed! Weee~ That means, holidays! Yahoo!!

After the exams we headed off to Ketam for dinner. It had the same concept as the place we had steamboat back in Sandakan, with a wide variety of seafood, veggie, meat as well as ready cooked meals for u to choose and 5 different kinds of soup for your steamboat. But (yes there's a but), the food was not good at all! Don't ever head there if ever you were to come down KK. Adults are charged RM 22 per person, while children slightly cheaper (I can't recall how much). It was so not worth it! The seafood was awful, not fresh at all! One of the soup base was porridge. Imagine having like so much of water as porridge with the rice floating like barley. It was so unappetizing! Thank god there was good company with me during the meal there. If not it would have been just dreadful!

So till now I still don't know when exactly my holidays end. It's just so frustrating! First they asked us to come back by mid april about 17th. Then they made our hopes so high saying our 4th year will start in the month of June. I was so happy! For 3 years in UMS now, the longest holiday I ever had was only a month! Even sem breaks! So now you guys are finally giving us 2 months plus, hallelujah! Then you shoot our hopes (more like putting an atomic bomb), saying that you have to be back by April again and they just wouldn't give us an exact date. I mean how can you guys be so unsure! If you people are confused with the schedule, where does it put us then?

To make matters worse, we had external lecturers coming in from University Malaya for our professional exam. During our feedback session, I felt so much inferior compared to my colleagues in UM. Their system is so systematic, students know their 5 years schedule beforehand while our schedule are due for change like anytime whenever the people above feels like changing it. They will on the other hand blame us for wanting to go back so much. If you were to not tell us when, how do you expect us to come back here on time for your lecture. Are you like freaking helping AirAsia or MAS earning money, making us pay RM500 per trip back to campus??! So so so so frustrating! Ahhhh!!

For the first time I'm so disappointed with UMS. This made me think again, I think I really chose the wrong university. Too late to regret now I guess. Just bear with it I guess. There's so many people on the same boat as me and they are much more qualified than me for me to be complaining here.

Okie enough of complaining and all, this holidays I would enjoy it no matter what. This wouldn't bring my holidays spirit down. Hopefully I can go visit my sister down in Abu Dhabi. Since they've shorten my holidays, it just seem impossible now already. :( No more sad face, I've worked too hard to earn this holidays. Hopefully fresh new adventures awaits me this holidays. *fingers crossed*

-KaRLeeN-

Rantings

2011-03-07T03:48:00.000-08:00

I just had to rant it out somewhere just to have a peaceful mind. So bear with me on this one.

I just finished all my written papers for my professional exam, the MCQs, the short essay questions as well as the long essays. I wouldn't say I did particularly well or particularly bad, but somehow I'm feeling very down now. I've got no idea why. I guess it's more of a disappointment. Or maybe I'm expecting too much of myself. I don't know! I don't know!

I think I shall head back to reality, back to the books as there's still things to be read and questions to be answered for this coming 3 days. Wish me luck! *fingers crossed*

-KaRlEeN-

Year of the Rabbit!

2011-02-27T22:22:00.000-08:00

I know Chinese New Year has came and gone. However knowing so much of good times were spent with close family members and friends during this period, I just had to dedicate one post for this special occasion. More so with me having study week (from month it has come down to less than a week!), panicking even more now, writing this post certainly will help calm my nerves down knowing there's so much people who I love supporting me. :)

Day of the Reunion Dinner

The day has finally came! After having 2 full day of rest back home, the day has finally came where we'd head back to my home town, Mantin. The day started of with a simple breakfast with the parents, my penguin and my baby elephant.

Tosai for breakfast

I used to have Tosai, Roti Canai and all for breakie so often back home. Now that I'm at Sabah, it's seriously the little things in life that means most. I miss having breakie at home so much! Then had to get some stuff at Billion.

Helping the very picky baby elephant find his undies

My baby bro seriously like shopping so much that it concerns me at times! Just to pick a couple of undies, it took him so long. One simple detail that he didn't like, be it the color, the pattern, or even the lettering, he would not take it. He's even harder to please than me! in a way it's good, cos he knows what he wants.

Putting on the gold chain

Been having the gold chain since I was young. Every CNY I would definitely put it on. It was from my grandma, so in a way to keep her close to me. Then off to meet my mama for a visit.

My Mama

Don't get me wrong! My mama is actually my baby sitter since I was young. She practically watched me grow up, taking care of me till I was 12 since both my parents are working. We've been calling her mama since her kids call her that too. Gotten so used to it, it has became a habit that's hard to change. Besides, Mama seems closer, better than calling auntie kan?

At our porch with Mummy and Mama :)

Then it was off to Mantin to meet the cuzzies, gramma, grandaunt, uncle and aunty!

Ooo.. How Much I'm missing them now..

Oh yea Chockie too! He's like such a good boy!

Now me doing arts and crafts with mummy

For the 'Nian Gao' of cos.. It looks nice kan? Taste even nicer..

It has been a tradition of ours to clean up the new house for CNY. So it was work first before we got to the reunion dinner.

We started off from the back of the house

Then to the side.. Notice the pengacau running from the back to get into the picture?

I know the picture above a bit hilang vogue and all, but had to put it up for the sake of my beloved penguin who always curi tulang while the gotong-royong was going on. Lol. Captured on film already, so no way of denying my dear sis! Oh. I love you too! :D

Then the porch.. Mana Si baby elephant?

He claims that he's the supervisor of the day. Say what??!

Jumping for joy after cleaning up. Wee~

After dinner, looking at fireworks with Ang Kah Kiat and my 2 lil cuzzies!

Meant to put a picture of the dishes we had for reunion dinner, somehow it got lost in the process. Oops! It was good! But like all hakka tradition, with about 8 dishes on the table, 7 were meat based! Even the vegetable had some parts of meat inside, for flavoring they said. Lol

Nak makan cookies lagi after dinner? It's irresistible, like seriously!

Day 1 of Chinese New Year (Chu Yi)

So as a custom passed on from generation to generation, we had prayers the night before to welcome the arrival of the God of Prosperity (I hope I said it right) also known as 'Choi San' or 'Cai Shen'. But then I don't know what happened to me that night, I was so sleepy that I fell asleep even before the clock stroked 12! Despite all the 'boom boom boom' and different colored lights lighting up the sky, I was literally sleeping like a pig! *laughs* But it's all good, as I woke up relatively early the next morning to be greeted with a sumptuous vegetarian breakfast consisting of various types of 'pau', homemade I would add. Oh how nice it is to be pampered like this once in awhile. :)

All ready for my CNY celebration

I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to get new clothes in a day's time. I did not do any shopping in Sabah and all the clothes that I wore during CNY was bought like a day before the reunion dinner! This year's theme is all read and very chinese new year-ly feel to it. As you can see above, all red! Hahaha. My friend got a shock looking at my photos saying this was the first time he saw me like so red! *laughs*

More food! All vegetarian

Now I know where I gained my weight! It seems all we do is eat during CNY. Well that's the main highlight of CNY anyway (minus the angpows and being surrounded by your loved ones).

Now all the cuzzies. Simon missing in action cos he was still in bed!

I miss you so much!

Since we ate like so much, we went on to the basketball court for a game of B-ball. It started like 3/4 years ago when my brother suddenly became obsessed with basketball. In a way it's good cos we get to sweat instead of sitting home playing cards and eating!

How la to win if u're up against the baby elephant?

The penguin is also a great basketball player

Every time when I play basketball, I'll be reminded of the fact that both my brother and sis have represented the school in basketball before. I've never played basketball despite of my height where everyone will walk up to me and ask 'do you play basketball?'. All I could do is just smile and say 'No'. I'm pretty much afraid of any contact sports, be it basketball, football, even volleyball! Hahaha. I've always been clumsy since I was young, guess I'm saving myself from the hassle of falling down like a nangka and hurting myself no?

My cuzzy came down all the way from Taiping showing off his angpows!

After dinner we played a little fire crackers (does this even qualifies as fire cracker?)

Day 2 of CNY (Chu Er)

See we've always liked taking photos ever since we were young. My dad I guess influenced us since he has been taking photos of us ever since we were young. Looking back at those photos really bring back old memories and certainly cracks a smile on every one of our faces. Why am I saying this out of no where you ask? Well take this for example...

Us exactly 10 years ago, 2001

Present (2011)

See how much that brings back memory? That was me when I was just starting form 1 (mind the hair please). Seems like so long ago, yet it seems like just yesterday that happened. Does that even makes sense? That was taken by daddy and framed up at gramma's house. I'd definitely always have a smile on my face whenever I see the photo. :) Remember me saying taking lots and lots of photos come this CNY? Well here's a few...

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil

The rabbit cuzzies

Now the girls. She's like so big sudah (I forgotten her name again)

Kok Wye Gor Gor (If only Lye Ling could make it back too)

Kacau them while they main card.. Hehehe..

With my camwhoring cuzzy (she really love taking photos)

With Chui Ling.. they always say we look alike from young.. she's like so pretty now!

Mei Ling yang sesat.. We want marah look le.. lol

Isn't he just so adorable?

See the amount of people in the house? So meriah kan?

With my baby elephant.. He's so big now!

Basketball time!

The family (Clothes sponsored by Chong Eileen)

All the grandchildren

The Hard Rock Crew

All different styles of jumping.. :)

I wouldn't have thought this day would come. I can actually hug my brother! With the amount of fighting we had when we were young.. Tough love tough love..

AGM session in the house

Bosley with the Charlie's Angel.. :)

Day 3 CNY (Chu San)

Now I've not been able to spend much time with my friends. So Papa dear was so nice to fetch me down Seremban to my teacher's house for our gathering. This explains how I missed 'lou sang-ing' with the family. No regrets, no regrets. Cos it has been so long since I last met them. My form 6 friends who I mean to keep them close to me at all times. Too bad Pei Jun couldn't make it. Make sure you come find me when I come back this coming holidays! Maybe I shall go cari u. Let's see what happens...

The 3 musketeers. We've known each other since we were in primary school!

Now everyone! :)

It was so nice catching up with them. Imagine most of them are to graduate this coming May! So fast kan? As for me, wait another 2 years plus la. Hehe. Prof Exam oso belum pass talking about graduating. Now back at home, we took the opportunity to have a triple celebration

Mummy, Chui Ling and Kok Wye's birthday

Back in Port Dickson

Finally we made it back to Port Dickson. Chinese New Year has just came and gone. Betul-betul cepat la! Now here's a glimpse of what we did back home..

Went to play tennis

Izzy came down and all the Chongs oso keluar for minum teh session

My penguin and baby elephant

So it really has been fun. Now here I am, reading through notes by notes at the pace of a snail. How I'm so not gonna finish studying! I shall stop now and back to the books! Till the next post.

Heart Broken

2011-02-12T08:25:00.000-08:00

As heart broken as it was to endure that, I've managed to put on a brave front to face what's ahead of me. People do grow through with experience, and I guess I was the one ignorant of what's going on and letting the feelings get deeper by the day. Stupid you may call it, but I guess I have no regrets.

-CK-

Ecstatic!

2011-01-29T20:40:00.000-08:00

It has been such an awesome 2 days. For the first time I actually drove all the way from Sandakan to Kota Kinabalu which is a 6 hours drive (for me a 5 1/2 hours). It was so much fun. Roadtrip!

Leaving Sandakan was emotional I guess. I mean it did become my home for the past 6 months and having all close friends leaving under one roof was nice. When you're bored they are just so near to you for them to start entertaining you. Hehehe. Will definitely miss all those moments. Another plus point is that it is SO far away from main campus. So lesser administration nonsense was good for a change. I felt as though this is what you call university life. Unlike back in campus where they bug at every detail of your every day life. It's frustrating at times. Guess I have to get use to it all over again. *Sigh*

The past 2 days was spent with him and another 2 friends. How I didn't want it to end! I know it's corny saying all this stuff but I just had to let it out somewhere. Hehehe. Really got to know him better and I just felt blessed. Such small things can make me happy, it's embarrassing at times admitting to these. There's still the lil' girl hidden in me somewhere. Guess it happens to anyone. Although what we did was just walking around the town, shopping, eating and just hanging out, it felt so nice. Hopefully this can continue on. But with the others back now I guess it's a little hard. Oh well. Let's just keep our fingers crossed!

Am heading back home tomorrow! It has been 4 months already. Miss everyone back home, my sis especially. Miss miss miss! It has been too long, too long... Looking forward to seeing all the familiar faces. Just can't wait. Am waiting for the others to head out for the award ceremony now. Been ages since I last wore a baju kurung. Hopefully we'll be able to take lots and lots of photos. Till the next post la. Tong Tong Chiang! Gong Hei Fatt Choi!!

-KaRlEen-

Exams, Exams and More Exams!

2011-01-25T05:41:00.000-08:00

I officially finish (actually more like 3/4 finish) my exams! The last week was tough. All I was picturing myself doing while studying was me driving back to KK, shopping for new clothes, and worse yet, getting on the plane back KL! It was so hard to concentrate, plus with the lion dance troops playing the drums, it made it mere impossible to concentrate. *sigh*

To those unfamiliar with exams format in UMS, let me just bring you through. Well in 3rd year basically we go through 3 postings, medicine, surgery and obstetrics & gynaecology (women sickness la in other words). For every posting, we spend 8 weeks learning everything we can either through lectures, going to ward or clinics. Or in special circumstances operation theatre or delivery room. Proud to say I conducted delivery of 5 healthy baby boys! (Dad always tease me about having chinese mothers coming to me to have their babies delivered as they just love boys!) Coming from pre clinical to clinical was really a challenge for me. Cause you're like practically being thrown into the wards to wander and learn by yourself. It's like what the heck!

When I was in 2nd year, I never would have imagined myself going up to patients, asking what's wrong and just do examination on them. Whether it's their private part or not, you just examine them. Then to enter operation theatre, that was fun for me too! Call me crazy or what so ever, to see the doctor opening up a patient was exciting for me. Cause they are like breaching in, exploring what's underneath what you see. *Laughs* I've also never imagined myself doing all kinds of procedures, like vaginal examination, blood taking, branulla insertion etc. It's crazy at times to think that the patients really put so much trust in us to do all that!

Oh yea back to exam format. So basically we have written paper (MEQ and MCQ), viva (somewhat like an interview, OSCE as well as long and short case. For OSCE or like what I call station games, basically you run from one station to another in 5 mins time. And at each station you have to complete a task. Whether it's pictures or equipments or even performing basic procedures (catheter insertion, suturing), it's all mixed up la. A total of 10 stations and this is the last test which I have not completed now. Then today I just finished my long and short case. for long case basically is they put you in a room with a patient and you have to ask questions as well as perform physical examinations to come up with a diagnosis and a few differentials. It's hard and the adrenaline rush and panic you get. It's scary!

For short case then, basically we have 2 short cases, each lasting 10 minutes. for the first short case, it's short history taking where you are to ask patients questions and come up with a diagnosis. It's like so scary wey! To figure everything out in a mere 7 mins of asking and to be asked your diagnosis and points supporting. Wow! oh that's not tough yet, the 2nd short case is to ask you to perform examination in front of your examiners and present them. So even the slightest slip, your marks will be deducted. And later to be asked your diagnosis. Seriously, there's no higher adrenaline rush than this!

Since arriving in Sandakan, I've really grown fond of this place. It's really a nice town. Not too big but not too small. Just nice. But if you were to compare it in terms of recreations in big cities of course it loses out! It's very similar to Port Dickson so I find it very easy to fit in here. Who knows I just might serve here. Haha. Talking about working as houseman, I'm really worried now actually. With the number of universities producing doctors increasing by the day in Malaysia, not including those graduating from overseas, I'm afraid we just might get doctors overload in such a small country like Malaysia! We have now 30 (yes you heard me right, THIRTY!) universities with medical degree offering. And let's say on average, every university were to produce 100 grads per year, that's like 3000 new doctors. Plus minus those from overseas let's say 300, that's like 3300 already! There's not enough teaching hospitals and specialist to train us housemans to be equipped with the right skills and knowledge. Who would have thought that us graduating as doctors would one day worry about getting a job?

So that's all la. If I weren't in medical school also, I wouldn't have thought that this was how medical school operate. Haha. I'm like so free now! *Smiles* Let me just enjoy the moment before the dreaded study month comes and Professional Exam 1 comes along. Till the next post!

-KarLEen-

Short Update

2011-01-17T21:40:00.000-08:00

Exams coming real soon. Don't cha just hate pre-exam periods? Well I for 1 absolutely hate it, and coming from a university who loves putting exams for us like every other month, life just isn't fun.

So I've been in surgical posting for about almost 2 months now, and I'm seriously liking it. I know all you guys will go like 'eee..' when you hear the next statement, but having to see surgery up close is so much fun. When the surgeon cuts open and you see the structure beneath it all really fascinates me. But I really do have to work on my suturing skills. Ain't that good at it yet. And being a lefty, learning how to tie knots using the right handed style is not the easiest thing in the world.

So for now it's back to the books. Will update soon when I get bored studying which I often do. Till the next post!

p/s: I can't wait for CNY!

Aren't we just the cutest?

I miss all of you! ALL of YOU! It's been 4 months already!

-KarLeeN-

New Experience for the New Year

2011-01-07T07:25:00.000-08:00

Remember the time I told you I fell while jogging? Well the wound is healing. Yes it is. Just that with my itchy hands, I can't seem to take my hands of it, hence this happens...

Day 2 post trauma

Currently

Notice how the wound is gonna turn out to be a hyperpigmented scar? Or to put it into lay man term, scar that has higher pigmentation (darker) than the surrounding skin. Ahhh! How I regret having to 'kopek' my scar now. But then it was so itchy! I just couldn't resist. Hopefully the bio oil I bought today will help lessen the scar mark, or just making it less obvious. Also for my legs. As I'm a known case of mosquito attractor, mosquitoes here had not have mercy on me! The scars over the leg. Ugh! Not so obvious but some how so obvious to me! *note the vanity* Nak kaki cantik saje la.. :(

My lips 2nd day post trauma

Glad to inform you that there's no scar what-so-ever over my lips! Weee~ Now the ulcer inside is healing perfectly fine, no pain or any symptoms. I can even finish my tomyam! *laughs* I've been craving for spicy food since last week. I don't know why. And being here in Sabah, somehow Sabahan's toleration towards spicy food is really low. I've even one friend who mentioned that sweet and sour chicken is spicy! I'm like OMG! Because there were some cut chilies, and mind you these are the huge chilies. So it was so hard for me to find tomyam. And when I found, eventhough in comparison to Peninsular this loses hands down, I'm so glad I had tomyam. Now off to my next spicy adventure. Can't wait!

So what else have I been doing since the start of 2011. I'm proud to inform you that I've finally done some good to the society! What you may ask. Since last time I've always wanted to do this. But there were always certain obstacles. Whether it was low blood pressure or low hemoglobin (forget about being underweight as the cut off value for female is 45kg!), something always came in the way. And there was also the hesitancy and fear. Mummy always said no to me when I mentioned I want to donate blood. But then this time, the blood bank was really lacking in blood supply, so hopefully with my 1 pint of blood, it can help save a life in the future. :)

Blood was flowing so fast

Seeing these blood donating photos I can't help but go 'gosh! my face is like so round and oily!'. Sorry for that. Must be the angle (denial still). But how good I felt after donating it. It's like you've contributed something to the society. Haven't donated blood yet? Well before that there are some criteria to adhere to:

1. You're healthy on the day of donation

2. you're aged between 18-60 years old

3. body weight is over 45kg for female and 65kg for male

4. Slept more than 5 hours the day before

5. Do not have any medical illnesses

6. Not on medications (antibiotics for example)

7. Ate before donation

8. Not involved in homosexual, bisexual, having multiple sex partners/with hookers, or on recreational drugs.

9. Last donation was more than 3 months ago.

Few myths regarding blood donation. Blood donation cause weight gain. So untrue! Most people think that will happen and not donate blood. The thing is, what I think la, once people have donated blood, they'll think that they've loss a lot from their body and try to gain it back through diet. Thence the weight gain. normal human have 5 litres of blood flown around the body. Having have 450ml of your blood taken out is just small amount! And bear in mind that our blood cells do reproduce once it is insufficient. For red blood cells, their life cycle is typically 120 days. So why waste your blood when you can do good?

Up close (so bulat la muka!)

So what is the process. Well it doesn't take more than an hour! I finished donating in 30 minute! This includes the earlier filling up of forms, having your haemoglobin count checked, blood group checked, blood pressure and pulse rate checked. Then you'll be brought to a bed, once you lie down, you'll be given a holder for you to grasp and a cuff around your arms to apply pressure. Then an injection will be given (heparin usually used) to prevent clotting of blood. the needle is then withdrawn before having a large needle inserted to that same vein. Although the needle is like so huge, it wasn't painful at all. At least for me. :)

In less than 30 minutes, I'm done! It's that fast! Well I have to admit having been pricked with the injection was painful (like ants biting), but other than that it was all alrite! I was asked to rest a while more just to make sure that I do not develop any headache or palpitation, or worse still, fainting. I did develop slight dizziness after donating. My bad for not having a meal before donation. But other that that all was well. The funny part of it was, I was given like one crate of eggs for the donation. Yes you heard me. One crate! So egg sandwiches for everyone!

So why not spare some of your time, donate your blood. It does save lives. And the fun part is, your whole blood can be further divided into platelets, plasmas to be donated too. So not only 1 life you save, but so many more! You'll feel a sense of achievement after having done all that. So donate today, you can save a life! Till the next post!

-KaRLeeN-

The Beginning

2011-01-03T09:02:00.000-08:00

New post for the new year! Okay, as you can see, I'm back to my cheerful self. No more tears for now. Everything will be held back. I've reached the stage of acceptance, and this is just fate I guess. Fate can just be a bitch at times.

So anyway, what I wanted to share here was what happened this morning in the ward. I didn't know it would be that hard. Standing there amidst the patients who were about your age was hurtful and to think that I was not there with you made it even worse. I held back my tears in the ward, but a lot of my colleagues somehow sensed that something was wrong and offered a sincere 'Are you okay?'. It was comforting. But the scar is still there to heal.

This past few days has been kinda tough. I can't help but to think how irresponsible I was. How uncaring I was towards you. But what I was worried most was my mummy dear. She's one heck of a strong lady. I've not seen her burst into tears in my 22 years of life. Even when I cried through the phone when I first came to Sabah and even made my dad cried, she was strong and was calm to comfort both my dad and I. See how strong she is? This must have been a major blow for her, and to think I was not there for her when she needed me most crushed me even deeper. :(

Well all that I want to say has been said. But action needs to be done. This has really thought me a lesson of not taking things for granted in life. I love you so much, and as heart breaking it was to watch you leave, I have to let you go. I'm sure you're in heaven now, looking upon us hopefully with a smile on your face.

So for this new year, I've listed a few of my new year's resolution in my mind. 1 that tops it all is that I promise to care for those, and cherish those all around me. I will not take all of you for granted and hopefully we'll share wonderful memories as we progress along the years. This stays as my resolution no matter what. *fingers crossed* Till the next post

-KaRLeeN-

Forever in My Heart.. I'll Miss You

2010-12-30T23:13:00.000-08:00

As I frantically browse through my folders for just a picture of you, just so to feel closer to you, to convince myself I've not treated you badly... Folders after folders I checked, blog posts after posts I checked, albums after albums, trying so hard, alas, I still couldn't find even 1. :(

I've always taken for granted for many things in life. Always complaining, like the saying goes ' the grass is always greener on the other side'. Rarely, will I ever say stuff like ' I'm so thankful for the things I've been blessed with and will forever treasure in my heart'. When I got the phone call this morning, more like the misscall, I was excited. My parents actually called me! Different from the others, I actually love my parents till death and will always be excited talking to them, keeping up-to-date with what's going on. But then, this phone call will forever change our lives.

I've always been called as 'pak mui' since I was young as I was so fair. You've given me this name and will always call me affectionately with this name. How I wish you could do it another time, but I guess things just don't always work out the way you want them to. Then there are other names such as 'zhu yok gai yok mui' or 'xiao ling', but 'pak mui' will forever be your no1 choice. Oh how much I miss you! :(

I remembered the last trip I took down to visit you. I was filled with fury, anger as the trip just didn't go the way I wanted it to. With the car breaking down in Kuantan and all. It just wasn't pleasant. When we arrived at your house, you were ever so welcoming! Honestly, while staying there, I wasn't the nicest person ever. I kept complaining, not directly, but deep inside my heart. I remembered. How I wish I could slap myself at that time, and just thank the lord that I was there, with you.

Travelling hasn't always been good with me. With motion sickness ever since I was young, travelling such a long distance always present as a challenge to me. Vomiting was normal, so I've always hated travelling long distance. With you so far, we've only travelled once every 2-5 years to see you. How irresponsible of me? How could I have treated you that way? I hadn't call, I hadn't text just to ask simple questions like 'how are you?'. How ignorant of me. Sigh

You always liked sitting next to me while eating. Everytime you'll say 'pak mui lei, tong ngo cho la' (Pak mui come sit next to me). Then I would hesitate for a moment then go sit by your side. How I would travel, even in a 10 hours journey just to have a meal beside you. How bad I have been to you. And all I can do now is beg for your forgiveness.

They say time heals it all. I hope my mom will stay strong through this challenge in life. What I can do for you now is promise you, I will be a better person. I will take good care of my mother on your behalf. I will make you proud. With you looking down from heaven, I know I'm blessed to have you in my life. Thank you so much. And I hope you'll forgive me for all my wrongs. I love you with all my heart and the tears in my eyes have dried. I will be strong, I promise.

-KaRLeEn-

Ending the year with a BANG!

2010-12-28T06:04:00.000-08:00

As 2011 inches closer, I'm really ready to end 2010 in a bang. And I mean a BANG literally. Ok I think I might just be confusing you guys now. Let's begin the story from yesterday shall we?

I was just about to get out of the car when I notice the car tire seems to be slightly flatter over the driver's side (yes I know I'm heavy bla bla bla). So anyway I kept putting it in my mind to pump in air to the tyres on the wat back from hospital the next day which is today. But then, today I was fetching my friend back home and it was 10.30am in the morning! To pump air under the scorching hot weather in formal clothes? The idea was just unpleasant. So I said to myself I'll come out some time later to pump in the air.

So as I procrastinate the whole afternoon with online-ing, some studying, and even napping in between, I finally won the battle within me and got off my chair and into the car. Then I was thinking, why not kill 2 birds with a stone? I'll just head to the stadium for a jog then on the way back I'll pump the car tyres. Wa la! Brilliant!

As I head into the park, I was feeling so good about myself all of a sudden. Respiratory system working just fine with no more of my usual shortness of breath what-so-ever. So I decided to challenge myself and jog. The park was quite crowded as it was still school holidays and the weather was so fine! No signs of rain at all. I skilfully evaded all the people walking or jogging slower than me (Proud.. lol), I was feeling so good cos I weren't gasping for air at all. Then it had to happen, at that tragic moment, I somehow lost my balance (Not sure was the floor slippery or the uneven road), trying my very best to use the function of my ears and cerebelum to ensure I don't fall, but then it had to happen.

Wham! If my mom was there, she would have said I looked like a big nangka (jackfruit) falling down. Ouch! I fell flat on my face. Even knock my teeth. As I carefully arise, with the help of a mother daughter pair, they were kind enough to offer me towel, asking if I'm alright, checking whether I was able to stand or not. I was in shocked cos there was blood coming out from my mouth! As adrenaline rushed through my blood, I didn't feel pain at all that moment. That moment I was just a strong strong girl. Actually the first thing that came into my mind was Michelle Foo is so gonna kill me for this! So I said goodbye and thank them so much for their help and rushed off to wash my wound.

The pain soon set in. How I dread washing the injury as I know it would be painful. I actually kinda fell like how I did back when I was standard 2. Luckily, this time, I did not make myself a moustache and a beard. More like scraped my lips. I quickly washed off and headed back home. No point in me jogging any further rite? I was thinking to pump air into my car tyres, but then the pain was too unbearable. As I came home, Michelle was shocked! She kept telling about theories of jogging hazards, how she kept telling me not to go jogging etc etc. But then she was so nice to me la. Bathing was a pain! I wonder how I'm gonna go through that again tomorrow!

So how bad is my injury?? Here's some photos..

My Scraped elbow..

Now up close.. It hurts bad!

My scraped legs post yellow lotion

My swollen lips.. Pardon my un-perfect teeth..

So there it is. Been ages since I last fell. How I hate falling down. It's a fear to me seriously. Roomies were nice enough to buy yellow lotion for me. Hopefully I won't have scars in the end of this. Now as I can't seem to close my mouth, I'm having slight dehydration over my mouth, and my throat is gonna sore tomorrow. Hopefully what I foresee won't come true. What a way to end 2011. And yes, my baby car is safe. No worries about it. No bangs with the car (touch wood!). Hopefully no more accidents after this! Till the next post. I still hadn't figure out my new year's resolution. Let this be the first...

1. More carefully while jogging, walking or doing anything for that matter. No more MCC (mong ca ca or blur case)

-KarLeEn-

How much I love Christmas!

2010-12-26T08:09:00.000-08:00

Been a long time since I penned down my thoughts here. Not that I didn't have anything to say (like that's even possible!), just that everytime I wanted to write, something keeps popping up! So this time I'm saying NO! I'm writing this no matter what. Sense the determination there.

I've always liked Christmas from young. There's all these catchy tunes that's so easily sung and memorised. This year I finally found a song that describes how much I feel this christmas. Here it is..

I dunno. I've been having this crush for more than a year now, and it's killing me inside. Shit! Shouldn't say that during Christmas no. Oops! So anyway, this year's Christmas wasn't all that bad, actually it was awesome! Had a great time with a bunch of friends here. How much I love them! Pics are posted on FB so feel free to leave your comments. :)

Started off with Christmas eve with all of us coming over to celebrate Christmas together. Just a small do with gift exchange and lots of fun and games. It is so rare to have all of us gather together for Christmas! If we were to be in KK, I strongly doubt that this event could ever happen. So it's a good thing that we actually came to Sandakan. M loving this place so much so that I think I'd miss it for sure once I'm back in KK.

So came Christmas morning, all of us got dressed for Christmas brunch at Sabah Hotel. The food was ok I guess, nothing that'll make you go 'Ooh and Aah'. But the setting and atmosphere was just nice and with the crazy company around, it was so much fun! Loads of camwhore moments and just laughters after laughters. The fun didn't stop there, we even went on for Karaoke and sang our hearts out till our voices nearly (yes nearly) broke. Listening to Mad singing in Chinese was just hilarious. She was trying so hard! Lol. Then guilt hit me, and I had a fat moment which prompted me to go for a jog (I mean a walk). It was good! Will definitely miss the pond over the stadium in UMS. Finished the day off with a gathering in doctor's house. 1Malaysia definitely seen in the house. :)

So what else has been up despite this few days? Currently in Surgical posting and I can't seem to get my fat ass up and start working! I'm so angry at myself but I somehow lose the battle within myself. Oh well. Hopefully it gets better. Oh yea! I hadn't mention to you about a certain surgeon here before have I. He's just the best doctor ever! He's so kind to his patients, and although he runs the whole department by himself, after a tiring day of work, work and more work, he would still smile at us and patiently teach us during our BSTs. He's just an inspiration and easy on the eyes too. *Laughs* He's just great. :)

So in like less than a weeks time it'll be new year! I better get my head together and think of my new year's resolution. And this time, the new year resolution stays! *fingers crossed* Till the next post!

-KaRlEen-

p/s: still working on my singing skills of singing '12 days of christmas'. The song is so tongue twisting that I actually made the song violent/sexual. lol.

Holidays.. and I'm bored!

2010-11-20T17:01:00.000-08:00

Sometimes (just sometimes) I really hate holidays. Wait wait. I can sense the horror on every one of your face as you read the lines. humans are like this, when they're super busy, they'll be wondering how nice it is to kick back and relax the whole day; when they're on holidays, they'll be thinking I'm so bored, entertain me! Lol. Exactly what I'm going through now.

Yesterday was just the start of my 1 week holidays. And I'm bored till death! I've practically cleaned the whole house, washed all my clothes + bedsheet + shoes etc, watched all series and movies on my external. So forgive me for spamming your walls these few days with game requests on fb. I dunno how and I dunno why, I've gotten so addicted to FB games. I should stop like real soon. It's unhealthy!

Yesterday I went for a swim after such a long hiatus with Mad. The idea of putting on a swimming suit on my fat days (and there's a lot of those days) is just (what's that word), just making me not wanting to go swimming (I still can't figure out that 1 word). But then yesterday I did go despite having a fat day, and I didn't regret it! Practically ignored the stares and the 'ooohs' and the 'ahhhs'. Men! Nonsense la. Sexual harassment! Maybe it was just me thinking too much. But then the crowd there was bigger than usual which made swimming yesterday not as pleasant as usual.

Met a few uncles in the pool yesterday. 1 complimented on my swimming style (*blush*) which was so weird. We actually strike a conversation till the point where I know his daughter studies in Sunway College on JPA scholarship! I know, weird right? There's more. There was this other uncle whom I met at the exact same pool some months ago. He was erm.. normal at that time, just having a casual conversation about his daughters or something like that (I dunno what's up with me and other people talking about their daughters in the pool). Anyway, that's not the point, the conversation was normal till at one point this happened...

Uncle : Haven't seen you around often huh?

Me : Ohr! Have been busy with classes and all.

Uncle : I was also down in KL for a month. What's your handphone?

Me : (Stares at Mad) Huh?

Uncle : Your handphone? Digi? Celcom? Maxis?

Me : (Stares even more helplessly at Mad)

Mad : Handphone?

Uncle : Yea. So we can go out for drinks. 012? 013? 019?

Mad & Me : (panicking dunno what to say, stares blankly at him)

Uncle : You know I'm from around here. Maybe during the weekends we can meet up for drinks.

Me: (Panic-ly) Erm. We are busy during the weekends oso with classes and all.

Uncle : Surely you have a day off? During weekends?

Me : Not sure. We have classes during weekends at time.

Uncle : Just give me your numbers then we can meet up for drinks.

Mad : Erm. We'll meet you when we meet you la huh?

Uncle : It's ok. Cannot talk here in the pool ma.

Mad : We're talking now rite?

(Me putting on goggles going into water. Hoping Mad understands the signal and she does!)

Swam for 50M but stopped halfway to get up and get off. Thank god Mad understood

As we walked off, we still had the courtesy of saying bye la. I mean he's older and all and here we do call all these people 'uncle', 'pak cik' etc rite as a sign of respect? He practically made me not want to go swimming there ever again. Sigh. How la how la? Mad said something that really amused me. "Karleen! What kinda man you picking up la?" I just laughed it off. Oh well.

Having all these free time isn't doing any justice to me. I dunno what has happened, I can't sleep for long now. No more 12 hours or 14 hours nap. I'll get up by the 7th hour of nap. Help! With all this spare time with me I'm really running out of ideas. Sandakan there's really nothing much you can do. Crappy cinema, expensive karaoke, no shopping malls; all they have are food, food and more food. And we're even running out of ideas of where to eat! As I said, I did not go back to PD as bro was having exams. Too much a distraction. So decision was made and I have to stick to it. Thank god people are coming over to visit me. If not I don't know what will happen to me!

Been having weird dreams for this past 2 days. It revolves around him. Maybe it's a sign no. And this phrase has been stuck on my mind for almost a week now. "The more I convince myself I do not miss you, the more I do". How I hate having a crush now! My mind is having a hell lot of fun torturing me now. Maybe I should watch more of the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" and consolidate that in my mind. Help!

Hopefully the holidays will not be boring from now on. My housemate even has a schedule of what she's gonna do this holidays. I know it's normal but wait. Her schedule even involves what she's gonna have for breakfast, lunch and dinner in days to come; what time is her nap time, her dating time; what sports she'll do for every other day. It was so funny! She even wrote like say, Monday, breakfast - Milo and biscuits. Monday afternoon - nap time. Night - Burger for dinner, dating and supper! *laughs*

I think I'll leave you guys here for now. Can't wait for Chee Chee's arrival tomorrow! Then she'll entertain me here. Lol. Still having him on my mind this moment. Oh how much I hate him now for making me think of him! Till the next post!

-KaRLeeN-

Smashpop's Lenovo Giveaway - I support Siew5

2010-11-20T08:33:00.000-08:00

I support Siew5~!!!!

For more information, pls log into http://www.smashpop.net/.

Harry Potter 7

2010-11-19T08:23:00.000-08:00

Just came back from the cinema watching another most-anticipated movie of the year.. Harry Potter. .

I was never a Harry Potter fan, and I mean never. If you asked me how was the previous films, I would not be able to give you an answer as I simply couldn't recall. That's how bad it is! But I do recall falling asleep comfortably on the couch back home watching the first movie. Lol. I've never read any of the books and always find it fascinating when fans go crazy over new Harry Potter book or movie coming out. It was so weird to me. However Twilight came along and I finally understood what the hype was all about.

I was never a fan of this genre of movies. I know most people will say these kinds of movies are like so cool (imagine LOTR), but then to me they are plain scary! But the sense of curiosity will always lead me to watch these films (oh not forgetting the cast too!). For this Harry Potter movie, despite all critiques giving bad remarks on it, it was fair for me I guess. Not having read a single book didn't help me at all during the whole movie. I was thinking to myself the whole time throughout the movie, putting together who is who. Didn't help that I was in Sandakan, with freaking cold air conditioning and crappy seats. However, I would say that the money was well spent as I did enjoy the movie and absolutely fell in love with Dobby!

Today marks the day of my holidays for a week. Won't be heading back as Kel has exams and I would be too much of a distraction. However, with my pet sister coming over to visit me, I can hardly wait to kick start my holiday! Today I practically rot at home, spending most of the time on the PC and just going online. I don't get to do this much during classes as most of the time I'll be in hospitals running up and down. This is a much needed break for me to just sit back and relax. Awww.. How much I love the holidays! Till the next post!

-karleen-

Older.. and wiser??

2010-11-16T20:35:00.000-08:00

In exactly a week's time it'll be my 22nd birthday. Oh my gawd! I'm actually like 22 already? Seems old no? But then nothing much has changed.. to me at least. :)

When I was younger (not implying I'm like super old), I've always thought that people aged 20 and above are like old and mature. Like they are sure of what they want in their lives and they are all independent and just living a superb live they've always wanted. Childish no? Now that I'm coming to 22 (which is the definition of old in my dictionary last time), I still see the world like how I see it when I was like let's say 15 years old. Lol. I still do believe in happy endings and finding that prince charming. I still believe that love conquers all although that idea has been shook several times. I still believe that we can get what we want once we worked hard for it.

But then, as the big 2-2 is approaching, I've been brought back to life as a teenager, living the teenage nightmare! 2 huge pimples now plaster on my face and it is so ugly!! I was not one to get pimples during my teenage years, so I guess it's payback time now. But still.. How much I despise pimples! Not only that, Miss dandruff and Miss flab also came visiting. So life couldn't get much better do they? Hmph!

All in all, I must say I'm still contented with what I have now. Still in the midst of exams although my holiday moods are all on now! This would be my first birthday celebrated away from home. Oh how much I miss home! But I chose to stay back and chill in Sandakan as Kel will be having his SPM and sis will not be back. So if I do go back, I'll be stuck at home doing nothing as well. However, I'm so looking forward to visits from Chee Chee all the way from Port Dickson and Grace all the way from KK! That'll be like so much fun and visiting Sepilok and the proboscis monkey again. :)

Will be updating more now since it has been ages since I last blog. Will not be including pictures during this post, maybe next I'll post. Till then!

-karleen-

Smile :D

2010-10-19T17:08:00.000-07:00

Current song that's been playing in my mind. Smile by Nat King Cole. Somehow the lyrics just hit the heart. Enjoy. Will update soon!

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

-KaRLeeN-

September Holidays

2010-09-25T03:31:00.000-07:00

How I just love holidays. Sitting around all day, propped up in the couch watching tv, feeling oh-so-comfortable back home, playing tennis whenever I feel like it, tasting great food and best of all, enjoying the company of the-loved-ones. Just one week has passed and how much I miss holidays. Lol

This raya holidays was the first raya holidays that I spent back home in PD after 2 years of spending it in Sabah. Usually I would not go back as tickets are like super expensive during the festive season. But this time around, I opted to go back instead. 3 major reasons prompted me in making this decision.

1) Sis is coming home too!

2) Grandma will be celebrating her 80th birthday and I just couldn't miss it!

3) Mom and dad celebrating their 27th wedding anniversary *big aawww*

Boy did I not regret my decision! Although there was the jealousy I felt when I heard my friends going back to KK singing karaoke, watching Step Up 3D and shopping, but nothing beats heading home, seeing the familiar faces after so many months. So first stop,

The newest hotspot in town, Ice Room

Looks delicious no from the pic on top? To me being an easily satisfied girl in the food department, it was good. Love mangoes so guess which was mine. Lol. So obvious no? But then it weren't the food that counts, but the company. How much this reunion brought back old memories. Met up with my best buds of form 6.

Ken Keat

Lay Hock

We've been friends since primary school! Although there was the separation during secondary school, but form 6 really brought us 3 close together. 3 person with such different personalities coming together, it's a miracle how we could be as close as we are till now. Still sms one another whenever we feel like it, and it's just comforting to know that someone is there for you when you need them to be. :) Too bad couldn't meet up with Pei Jun as she was stuck in Spore. Girl! I miss you so much! Shall kacau you some time soon. *promise*

After meeting up with friends, it's family time! I didn't expect it to be this big a gathering. I knew my cuzzies would be there, but not so many of them. So it felt so good. Like Chinese New Year all over again. *Grins*

The cuzzies and the gramma and grandaunt. :)

Love them to bits. :)

Now everybody say cheese!

It was such a wonderful gathering, filled with joy and laughter, certainly filled with warmth where you can find nowhere else but home. :) Can't wait for the next gathering! Probably Chinese New Year. that's like so far away! Then we went on for a trip down KL. Did some shopping in Sogo. Haven't been there for the longest time, and was certainly surprised by the amount of choices available there. Then we headed to KLCC Convention Centre for Bookfest.

It was organised by Popular

First time going to a bookfest and was really taken by surprised at the amount of people flocking the bookfest. Who said Malaysians don't read? Just visit the bookfest and see for yourself! So much to see, so little time. Bought some stationeries and my long-awaited twilight saga! OMG! Absolutely love it. At a reasonable price too! Thanks mummy. Even brought volume one and two to Sdk with me (as if I have the time to read it!). Didn't take a photo of it though, but it's just precious. *Grins*

Then later on was the celebration of my parent's wedding anniversary. Read this quote somewhere and it has somehow stayed in my head all these while. 'It's easy to fall in love, but to stay in love, that's hard work'. I can't help but agree with this quote! 2 person having to face each other everyday, believing in one another, and seeing through each other's flaws, now that's hard work. Now with the rise of divorce, am I glad that my parents love for each other remains strong, and growing every single day. Cheers to that!

Doesn't this makes you go awwww... :)

Having to grow up in small town Port Dickson within a loving family, what else could I wish for? Then holidays went on with more gathering with friends as well as me parking in front of the television, just enjoying watching whatever programme that was on that time. I was (still am) a person who just loves watching TV. A habit since young and at times I do wonder how I survive without television in campus. Lol. Then came Wednesday when Izzy came and buat kacau in Port Dickson.

See I did jump!

Kick my butt somemore. :(

As usual we went to the community park near town for some tennis coaching. But did some warm ups first with all the jumping around. Sadly, I was blamed for all the failed shots! Hmph!

At the tennis court.

In action! [Not much of a stylish tennis player huh? :( ]

After tennis, still had the energy jumping around

Chiang's looking at me thinking 'What the heck?'

Then he thought why not jump together?

Soon it went from 2 person to 4 person. (Jie what you doing la?)

Notice how Jie jumps. You can't see her face no?

Who said I can't jump? Proof!

After all the jumping around, time for some rest. :)

Next up, dinner!

Food in Seaview was good! I think I had a lil too much of food back home that it became an issue once I got back here with people mentioning I've gained weight (again??!). Seriously, I dunno how the heck am I gonna achieve my dream weight. With some more determination, I bet I can. Ok back to the story. By Thursday, I was heading back to Sdk again. Flight was too expensive on Sunday and I had to come back on Thursday instead. :( Back in Sdk, took the time to visit a few tourist spot (Well more like one tourist spot, lol). Went to Agnes Keith's House. Ask me who's that. Well all I can tell you is, she stayed in that house before, and she wrote a book last time which was very popular till the point that it was adapted into a film! Name of the book? I have no idea. Google it. Lol.

A scene from F.R.I.E.N.D.S Malaysia

The house itself behind us

We weren't allowed to take photos inside the house due to some special reasons which you'd find out if you were to go visit the house yourself. :P It poured as we were looking at the surroundings of the house. But that certainly didn't stop us from taking photos! Without realising it, holidays has come to an end. So how else to celebrate it but food!

Choc Ice-cream. Nyum nyum~

Had the best Japanese meal ever to satisfy own desire and it was so worth it! Then came the dreaded Monday and it was off to hospital! I'd talk about my new posting in my next entry. Till the next post!

-KaRleeN-

Back to Reality

2010-09-19T07:30:00.000-07:00

Had a wonderful holiday (more like a much needed break) back home. It was so good to be back in familiar grounds after 3 months plus (sure does feel much longer than that!) absence. Everything seemed so familiar, yet somehow so different. Hard to explain it, but I'll try some time later with the help of photos. :) The line here is killing me now so I'll just have to post about my holidays later on.

So it has been exactly 12 days since I last been to HDOK for classes. Can't say that I'm all too excited, more like having a dreadful feeling of heading back there. I know that's not supposed to be how I should be feeling. I mean I should be all perked up, excited to go back and learn everything I can. But I guess everyone's all too familiar with this feeling. The 'Back to School' feeling just doesn't sink in well right?

So for now I'm still pretty much relaxing before my dreaded medicine posting. I'm freaking out going into this posting. Hopefully I won't be as lazy as my previous posting. I just gotten up the courage to take up my books just an hour ago, and the stack of books standing right in front of my eyes just gives me a not-so-pleasant feeling. *sigh*

Guess I should bring out the optimistic Sagitarrius in me and take this as another challenge awaiting me. So wish me luck for tomorrow. Hopefully it doesn't go all that bad. Well on a brighter note, at least I'm not the posting leader! *Laughs* I'll leave you guys here for now, till the next post!

-KarLeen-

Kubler Ross Grief Cycle

2010-09-07T01:03:00.000-07:00

Denial.. Anger.. Bargaining.. Depression.. And finally Acceptance. For those who are unfamiliar with this cycle, it's called the Kubler Ross grief cycle model. Mostly we apply this in death and dying patient, where they go through all these stages before finally accepting the fact that they are dying. Well, for us medical students, we go through this cycle A LOT of time. Don't get me wrong! Not the dying part, but we just apply it in our lives. Depressed much? Not really, this is what you call applying what you have learnt!

Why mention this cycle all of a sudden you ask? Well, it's more of a continuous from my previous post. Since losing this precious thing of mine, I've practically gone through this cycle bit by bit without really realising it. First I was denying that I've lost it. I was thinking I must have misplaced it some place, some where. But then I jumped straight to the stage of depression. Depressed that how can I lose it so easily? How careless can I be? Then came Bargaining. I promise to be nice, I promise to be less careless, I promise to care for it more etc etc... If only You could return it back to me! But looks like my bargaining skill has not worked. :(

Then today I reached the stage of anger. Why anger you ask? Lemme just take you back to the day of the incidence. Well, I left my stuff inside the clinic on top of the trolley and without realising it, I went home (silly me!). Then when I realised I had lost it, I went back to the clinic by Monday (I left clinic on Friday and the clinic was closed during the weekend) to find out it was no more there! *cries* Then when further asked, the nurses just said go ahead. :(

Then later I was told a man from my university took it. Assuming that it was property of UMS despite being told to leave it there as the student (me) would come back and claim it. But he being his smart self still took it and counted that there was 11 of the stuff. They only brought like 10! Why did he take it!! Then I went and asked him for it today, and he said they have only 10 left. He thought a student has came to claim it. I was like WTF?! How can you assume such stuff? So that was my anger moment.

I don't know how far away my stuff is from me, but I seriously hope it does come back. Please come back to mummy. :( I don't want to enter the acceptance stage. Please come back. Till the next post...

-Karleen-

Silly, Careless Me

2010-09-06T01:21:00.000-07:00

I've always had a habit of losing stuff. Be it cheap or expensive, nothing has been spared. Whether it is in a car, in the airplane, in the tennis complex, u name it, I've lost something there. When I was young, I would always lose my goggles and cap while swimming. It went to the extent of my parents giving me the final warning saying if I lose this again, I'll never be getting a new one. :(

Not only goggles, swimming suits were not spared either. I can't begin to count the number of swimsuits I've 'donated'. Then there's still pencil boxes in school, books etc etc. I'm really very careless right? :( Then as I get older, the things get more expensive. The most famous lost by now should be 2 of my handphones. Then there's this other stuff that I 'left' on the airplane which I tried real hard to get it back, but to no vail. *Deep sigh*

Now just 3 days ago, I lost something that's just so important to me that I just would love to knock my head against the wall. I don't know when this 'habit' will disappear, but I really hope it does go away. Help me! Till the next post.. :(

-KarLeeN-

Weighty Issue

2010-09-04T17:39:00.001-07:00

I've always been conscious about my size. Be it vertically or horizontally. Growing up was not particularly easy for me as it just seems that I have that much more of growth hormone compared to everybody else. Exhibit A..

Taken back in Standard 6 (mind the hair please :P)

See what I mean? Towering over the boys, sitting rite at the back of the class, standing at the back while lining up are all too normal for me. It does create a sense of insecurity I would say. I think the same goes for those who dwarfs in comparison to others, or are just too skinny. Well I've actually struggled with both the extremes, insecurities on both my height and weight.

Picture taken in 2008

As I walked (more like tip-toed) into my teenage years, I've grown to absolutely love my height. Although I still tower over my girl friends and appear just that much huge-r, I am glad that I'm tall. Well it does help pulling you upwards and not side ways to hide those extra flabs. Thank god for that! Exhibit B...

Get what I mean?

Then comes the sensitive issue that most girls fear. Weight! Well I've always been on the heavier side since I was born. According to O&G text book, I'm a big baby. Risky baby. Being post dated, and so huge weighing at 4.1kg, my friends and I would be terrified to even be considering to conduct that delivery. Doesn't help that my mom is small too. Making that delivery that tad more dangerous. Love you mummy!

Taken on my island trip in year 2008

I remembered always being embarrassed to mention about my weight. My nightmare would always be the day when everyone have to check their BMI scores. That means weight and height! While all my peers are like 20+kg, I was like 30+kg going into 40kg. Then when 40-50kg was acceptable, I was on the verge of being 60kg. So I've struggled.. and struggled bad!

Taken during my first semester in UMS

As I'm a person who just love flipping through photo albums reminiscing the good old days, 1 reaction that I always have is 'OMG! I'm so big!' Exhibit C...

I look that much bigger right?

How about this? OMG just wouldn't describe it

I would just love to burn this picture away

But I chose not to delete any of those picture, just to remind me to continue watching my weight. One of my friend in UMS has been lending me his ears, listening to me non-stop saying I'm gonna diet, and this time I would be successful. You'll see a whole new hot version and me etc etc. Well, sad to say, after saying that for 3 years now, nothing much has changed. Lol. Blame it on my indetermination. *sigh*

Taken at just the right angle?

I look thinner here no?

As I continue this post, you maybe thinking I'm like self-obsessed or something like that. Maybe I am, I don't know. It's up to individual evaluation. I was never really happy with my weight. Never! It's sad thinking back, cos at times I did look good (to me at least), well I did have my flawed moments too. Exhibit D..

Maybe the car was big making me look that much slimmer?

Blame it on the tiny penguins to make me look that much bigger. Lol

Oh yea. Growing up was additionally painful when you just have the 'PERFECT' sister ever! I mean to me she's the definition of perfect. I for one can't seem to find flaws in her (not that I am trying to). She's smart, she's nice, she's beautiful, she's athletic, she's independent and successful, she's just everything to me. Well minus her being hard headed and just that teeny-tiny bit garang (which makes her even more perfect), she's just my idol since young. So hard to try to live up to her.

The Chong siblings

She's just so sweet rite?

Everyone must have had a person who they wanted to be when they were young. Needless to say, mine was my sister. She just has the coolest friends, and has the most fun all the time. Well I guess god did have His plans for me, just look how far he has separated me from her! But somehow I know I'll survive (although I still miss her dearly)

Life doesn't look all that bad huh? :)

Coming back to the same issue, I guess I should just be glad that my (thankfully), my BMI was never at the overweight area, and I'm still healthy enough to enjoy my daily activities without huffing and puffing away. Whether I look good or bad in pictures, it's just the way I am and I'll just have to accept it as it is. *smiles* Now, going down memory lane, here are some pictures to show how much I've bloomed over the years.

Health promotion 2009

CNY 2010

Back in Taiwan 2009 (love my legs here.. *grins*)

Still in Kenting, Taiwan 2009

Earlier this year performing at the school Annual Dinner

Balancing on the ostrich egg earlier this year

After the haircut in early January 2010

Recently Gracie commented that I got chubbier after coming to Sandakan. I think I did too! That really had me thinking, what if I continue to pile on the pounds in Sdk? Here's a pic of me and my friends in Sdk, do I look that much different?

After the awesome steamboat on 30th Aug 2010

All in all, I think I should be grateful with who I am and just be proud of it. But then, maybe now I should hit the gym, or jog, or swim, or play tennis or just keep myself active to keep myself from growing any more sideways cause god knows I can't be growing any taller now. So off to keep myself busy to shed those extra pounds! Till the next post!

-KaRLeeN-

Relationship 101

2010-08-14T07:06:00.000-07:00

So I guess I was a little carried away and overly excited blogging yesterday. Don't get me wrong.. It did happen as I said, but then he sms-ed me today saying he couldn't make it. Oh well. I guess that has his signal sent very clearly to me...

He's Just Not That Into Me!

So I guess I'd better keep my feelings for myself and just look afar. Okie.. Although I very much would like to follow the lyrics to the song "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum... 'Guess I'd rather hurt than feel no pain at all...' But then I just couldn't, I know I can't. Haih.. I'm already picturing myself all alone with cats. Which is like super bad! Okie. Enough! I've always been attracted to guys who didn't gave a damn. Which makes me liked them even more! It's a sickness. Till the next post..

-karleen-

High School All Over Again

2010-08-13T06:06:00.000-07:00

I know I'm being such a small girl for saying this but what the heck! He said ok to my invitation to a movie! Weee~ I'm such a girl for being happy over such small matter. Although he sms me first to ask about a book, but then he still smsed me first! lol. Oh my gawd.. Can't continue anoymore without grinning silly at the computer. Lol. Till the next post! *smiles*

-karleen-

P/s: although today got off to quite a rough start, not only did i get baby no 4, he smsed! lol. Stopping here now.. ^.^

I am.. FREE!!

2010-08-06T03:40:00.000-07:00

I am officially FREE this weekend. Yeah you heard me.. FREE!! weee~ Doctor cancelled our weekend classes so for the first time in 4 weeks, I actually have a weekend where I have absolutely nothing to do! Yay me! (I'm cancelling out my thoughts about the books awaiting me on my desk. *smiles*) Going out for a movie now, Avatar The Last Airbender. Hope all of you will have a great weekend! I know I definitely will. Till the next post! *grinning like an idiot*

-karleen-

Emo-ing all the way :(

2010-08-01T05:12:00.000-07:00

Weekend came... weekend gone! How did my weekend go like so fast!! Hmph! Well actually for now it doesn't make much of a difference whether it is a weekend or not since everyday I have class. Yes.. EVERYDAY.

So being students, of course we'll complain. Like duh! But then, I dunno what's gotten into the university, they don't even give us a right to complain. I mean asking you to go to school or work in the weekends, of course you'd whine and all rite??! No matter what, we'd still show up, just a little whining, that's all. Oh well. Call us childish what-so-ever, it wasn't so professional of you to take our feedback forms so personally. Calling us (indirectly) stupid, 3 year kids who needs to be fed with everything. Just because we're not some vacuum cleaner who can suck up and retain all kinds of information given to us, not that we're not trying. Hmph!

It's just kinda frustrating at times to have to go through all the nagging and scolding although we're all trying (seriously!) really hard to meet up with the expectations. But with all the discouraging words and sarcastic jokes being told to us, it seriously beats you down. Now that explains why I've been having self doubt for this pass few weeks. I'm seriously contemplating whether I've chosen the correct pathway for the rest of my life. Like what the media always say, when you keep telling some1 they're stupid, they really do become stupid. I'm not asking for sky high praises all the time, but enough with the discouragement. It's getting real tiring. :(

Have to hit the books then later do up my case report to be handed in tomorrow. I can't wait to talk to jie jie. She's calling me later. Hopefully will feel better by then. Maybe I just think too much. Oh well. Till the next post!

-kaRleen-

Another Door Opens...

2010-07-31T03:29:00.000-07:00

Today things finally took a change for the better.. :) Although it's practically still the same, I guess I've come to accept the fact that I have to take things as they go, and just do my best. Today although I didn't deliver any babies what-so-ever, but I did managed to pitch in when things were going head wire, and everyone was everywhere with not enough people helping around. Although what I did was just minor stuff, I just felt good about myself. Yay to me! So for tonight, I just gonna dance the night away, going to a club. Hehehe. Not like I can do that in KK rite? So have a great nite everyone! :) Can't wait to c him tonight.. *grins* Till the next post!

-karleen-

Down and More Down

2010-07-30T04:32:00.000-07:00

So I guess I have to start from the beginning for my story this time. So as what I said before, I'm currently being posted in HDOK. Travelling down from KK to Sandakan was so much fun! Mad mad n Jem Jem took turns driving while muah just stayed at the back and slept throughout the journey. *grins* Well I can't drive manual cars, having the car engine going off a couple of times just to park a certain someone's car. *grins even more* I just need practice. Hehe.. :)

So on arrival, I was actually quite fired up to begin clinical years. But like my previous post, It hasn't been easy. I so wanna shout out that "I MISS 2ND YEAR SO SO MUCH!". Oh well.. We can't be living in the past for the rest of our lives I guess. So I've been trying my best to just stay positive and taking things as they are, one at a time. I've been making some steady progress since I know I'm not one who absorbs new knowledge like a sponge. But I guess in clinical years, there's just no room to take things slow and steady.

Lemme just take you a tour through my life for this past 3 weeks. What I do everyday is get up early in the morning, go to the hospital, clerk patients, perform procedures and recently 'successfully' delivered a baby etc etc then coming back all tired with a whole lot of books awaiting me. Tiring just wouldn't describe it. I know I'm making excuses for myself, having to come back and treating myself to watching a few episodes of 'House'. I've just somehow lost my passion to pick up my books or notes to study. :(

My clinical years so far has just been making me lose my passion to this profession bit by bit. Every single moment the question 'have you chosen the correct profession?' or 'do you have the capabilities to actually become a doctor, the pillar of strength for all patients?' etc etc. keeps spinning around my head. But then there's the 'kiasu-ness' (unwillingness to lose) that's keeping me alive throughout the whole process. I'll be thinking, even they can become doctors, why can't I then? so I just kept grasping around for air to breathe...

Wanna know why I put ' ' over the successfully delivering a baby? Cos I almost created a medical emergency! I did managed to get the baby boy out alive and all. (yay!) but then when it was time to pull the cord out from the mom, I kinda snapped the cord. I panic-ed! The nurse I think wanted so much as to shout at me! I almost sent the patient to the OT for a preventable surgery!! I mean how could I? How could I endanger my patient's life?? I was oh so disappointed of myself. Then the nurse managed to somehow get her placenta out (thank goodness). But me being my paranoid self was so so so afraid of all the complications. What if not all of the placenta came out? What if she later develop profused bleeding? What if infections developed later? I mean she's staying in Kinabatangan, miles away from a health care centre! How how? From then on everything went downwards...

Oh, my patient is all fine now if you're wondering. Nothing went wrong with her or her baby. But I just can't seem to forgive myself. Having such a blow to my confidence, for this pass few days, my group and I have been getting 'scolding' or nagging what ever you wanna call it. You know for every modules we have to fill in feedback forms and all? Well we did this time for this particular module since we got scolding for not filling up last time. Well so stupid of us, becos of those forms, we're getting scolding every single time we meet tho doctors now!! How would you feel if people are constantly putting you down, saying you're not good enough, you should quit and do something better with your life etc etc. I mean I'm seriously on the verge of breaking down. :(

I sincerely hope things will turn for a better. I guess I have myself to blame for just not being intelligent or hard working enough to be able to perform as they expect us to be. So I guess it's back to the books and hopefully I'll be able to do better in my next delivery experience. Till the next post.. :(

-karleen-

p/s: sorry for all the emo-ness..

Holding on

2010-07-20T06:26:00.000-07:00

Getting use to the life in clinical years, plus being in a whole new environment, is super duper tough! To those who still dunno, I'm now being posted to Duchess of Kent Hospital in Sandakan (Such nice name rite?) for my 3rd year in med school. I have to admit I am struggling!! Being grilled every single day with questions after questions, then having lectures in between and even at night! Last week was a horror for me. Anyway will update you guys on my progress soon. Have to hit the books again since I could not answer quite a few questions just now.. yaiks! Till the next post! (Hopefully I'm holding on well by then)

Karleen

OSCE

2010-07-01T04:43:00.000-07:00

To those who are not familiar with the title of this post, don't fret. It basically stands for Objective Structured Clinical Examination. For us medical students (ok well maybe only for me), I'm always afraid of OSCE. No doubt I've had experience for like 2 years now in med school, nothing has change since. *Huge sigh*

Well Why am I bringing this subject up all of a sudden? Well now that I've come to the end of my Introduction to Clinical Medicine posting (or in short ICMP), of course there will be examination since my university absolutely loves exams, there sure will be OSCE. Basically this examination test us skills we have learnt in the hospital. Whether it is examination of different systems of the body, or procedures done in hospital or just plain x-ray interpretation, everything comes into 1 exam.

Today I just finished my OSCE and I've to say I did badly. :'( I can't help but feel bad I my performance. Whether it was the history taking, or examination of the ulcer, or worse yet examination of the neck, I guess I screwed up most of it. *tears* Not that I don't know about it, it's just that at that particular moment, you just have a moment of brain freeze. Or like Dory from the movie 'Finding Nemo', your short term memory just disappear! Gone! *poof*

Hopefully I will do well in my short essay examination tomorrow. I had to rant it out somewhere. But since I'm living in a block that consist only of my medical classmates, there's no place else to rant it but here. So sorry guys. Now back to the books for exams tomorrow. Till the next post!

-karleen-

Forever in My Heart

2010-06-27T08:02:00.000-07:00

DEATH.. the 5 letter word I absolutely dread hearing. It just hurts so much to lose someone. Imagine someone so near and dear to you, leaving you forever, now that's something hard to swallow ain't it?

I was so suprised when I learnt about the death of my student. For those who don't know, I taught in SDASA after my STPM. Well this girl was just the sweetest thing, quiet but around her friends, she will get bubbly too! How much has changed for the past 2 years for her. For me life has gone a 180 degree change for me since entering med school. I just wished someone, it could have been me who could have helped her through.

I'm not good with death. I think no one is or will be. My first encounter with the death was the death of my grandpa. Though I was just 8 years old at that time, I could still remember crying my eyes out during his funeral although I din exactly know what was going on. Second was the death of my dear friend Raj Kumar. How could a 14 year old get brain tumor out of no where? Life just ain't fair. I still remember Jason crying like a baby during Raj Kumar's funeral. He'll forever be remembered.

As the death list goes on, let's take a moment and reflect on our lives now. How I wish I could have helped her. But then like my dad says, there's no good in crying over spilled milk. So to my dear student in heaven joining the rest of those who are there, you'll forever be remembered. To us still here now, well I've certainly learnt that life's just too short to sigh and complain all the way. To all out there having a rough day, here's a song for ya...

Till the next post..

-karleen-

3 weeks down, 1 week to go!

2010-06-25T08:54:00.000-07:00

It's the weekends! Weee~ Haih.. Know what with the haih~? I got class tomorrow! :'( Guess I should get use to this kinds of changes cause I bet there'll be more 'working' Saturdays ahead of me now. Another long haih~~

On a lighter note.. My car has finally arrived! yay me! So excited. Somehow it does gives me a sign of independence. I know it's just a car, but then I just can't help but feel so excited that it has finally arrived. Oh yeah. Not forgetting the love packages sent from home. Awww~ It was so nice opening up the boxes to find out what's inside. Like a child during christmas. *smiles*

Well for now, I'm still stuck writing case reports which has to be handed in next wednesdays. Words like dyspnea, palpitation, nausea, vomitting, syncope, pain, characteristic, radiation, severity, associated symptoms etc etc etc. All of it all running thru my mind now. And I just can't help but link symptoms to anyone I see, randomly adding a symptom to him/her! Pallor, jaundice, muscle wasting, muscle weakness, gait abnormality, usage of accessory muscles while breathing! Help!!!

I think I better hit the bed if not I just might go crazy. Another busy day ahead of me tomorrow! Haih~ leave you now with the song that's currently playing on 'karleenfm'

I wanna be a billionaire, so f***ing bad.. Buy all of the things I never had.. Till the next post!

-karleen-

Touching :'(

2010-06-21T06:32:00.000-07:00

Something to ponder on..

Like what the ad says, 'How one generation loves, the next generation learns...'

Till the next post!

-karleen-

Tribute to Daddy Dearest

2010-06-19T21:19:00.001-07:00

Since I was just a little girl, as far as i could remember, I loved following my dad around. Everywhere he goes, whether if it is to the bank, to the coffee shops, to the school (yes I've been to SDASA since I was in primary school!), to pay bills etc etc. Anywhere he goes, you'll see his army all around him. ME! :)

Papa's girls

Well it hasn't changed much until now. Although I'm far off in Sabah and he's in PD, whenever I'm back, most of the time I'll follow him around. Papa's girl everyone would call me. I'm proud of that name k? I've been following my dad around so much so that I went from not being able to see over the counter and having the ladder or papa carrying me up to look over, to now being able to look at the bank workers. *smiles*

Oh yea! Have to remember Chiang boy too..

Everywhere I went people will ask "your daughter eh Chong?" Then he'll say I'm his second daughter. And now with me studying in Sabah, the lines will follow where he says I'm taking what course, where and all la. Don't get me wrong. Papa also does that to my sis and bro too. Well I always like to think of me being his favourite daughter. (I can imagine my sis rolling her eyes now)

Now family pic :)

Since I could remember, I grew up with the line 'Wow! you look so much like your dad." or "Your sis looks like your mom, but you take after your dad.". I could remember sleeping on my sis's bed just last hols and we were actually talking about how we don't see that resemblance! Maybe it's my big forehead kot that looks like papa. What do you think?

All reds or red devil?

At home, as mom calls papa as 'dear', we went one step ahead and address him as 'papa dear'. So cute kan? Although now we just plain call 'pa', but my cuzzies till now still refer to my dad as 'pak pak dear'! (pak pak=elder uncle) Even my dad laughs about this but I know he feels so nice to be called 'papa dear' or 'pak pak dear'. I should call him that more often.

With 1harris and papa

Bringing you all a little off track, since entering clinical years, I've been exposed to so many individuals about my dad's age or even younger who have so many diseases and are left to suffer in the hospital. Hospitals aren't really a conducive area to stay as everyone would know. Whenever I go off and clerk a patient around my dad's age and suffering from illnesses, I can't help but be grateful that my family members, especially my dad are all healthy. Although there's some minor health issues, but in comparison, I'm just thankful that everyone's well. :)

Taken last year at the beach.

All I know now is, papa dear, you're the best and I wouldn't trade you in for anyone else. You've been my inspiration, my idol and just my pillar of strength ever since I was born. Thank you for putting up with a cheeky and at times naughty girl like me and I think I wouldn't be where I am now without you. How I wish I could be back to celebrate this special day with you but let's put it on a rain check ya?

My papa dear

Hopefully you'll always have that smile on your face. And I just want to say thank you and I love you. :) Till the next post!

-karleen-

Week 2.. & Counting

2010-06-18T10:14:00.000-07:00

Wow! I survived! phew~ Just 2 weeks into clinical years I feel like a month or two has passed.. This is bad man! Oh well.. hmmm

So things are starting to get better this week. Still wandering around the wards though. Figuring out what kinda case to clerk, what kinda procedures to watch, what not to do to irritate the staffs there, what to do to make d staffs there to help u etc. Who said there's no such thing as 'hospital politics'! My gawd~ If you're close or somehow the MOs, HOs or nurses kinda like you, your life in clinical years will be so much of a bliss! Too bad for me, still an outcast, but okie la. I like how things are now.. :)

I've learnt so much on how to approach ppl, n just be thick-skinned, unafraid of being rejected or worse yet, scolded at. Although my heart's like beating super fast whenever I approach some1 to clerk or help, but the relieve you get when they actually spare their time to help you is awesome! This week I've learnt to be brave enough to perform physical examinations. It actually takes courage to touch other people's bodies ok? What if I scratched him? Or caused harm to him? Or just plain off pissed him? So many things to consider eh. Who said a doctor's job is easy?

I've developed a very weird sleeping pattern now. Here I am on a Friday nite when I can sleep as much as I want (it's the weekends!), but I'm actually having insomnia! I'm not even yawning. Oops! just yawn. Must be my brain playing a trick on me. Now I've got so much on my mind. Exam's like in 2 weeks time, my log book is like so far from completion, my first rotation is O&G, I've gained like so much of weight that it's really killing me etc. Let's just say that things aren't exactly going my way. Hopefully things turn good by the tie I wake up tomorrow. :) Off to bed now, hoping to get some rest to gain energy for the morning jog I planned to do. Please don't rain~ Till the next post..

-karleen-

Clinical years.. :(

2010-06-13T03:04:00.000-07:00

So a week has gone by since I officially started my clinical year (after such a nice, stress-free holiday), all the thoughts running through my mind now is... 'I miss pre-clinical years!'

I know that's not exactly a good sign, but this past week has been tough. Imagine being thrown into the hospital wards, and there you are wandering aimlessly. Okie. So you must be thinking, surely some kinda instructions have been given. Well they have, but having clinical skills being practised on normal individuals and patients lying sick on the hospital beds are SO DIFFERENT!

You get the feeling that you are always in the way of the nurses, doctors even the patient! I mean c'mon! surgical patients are like in deep pain, and here we are poking here and there. One batch comes and go, then another batch comes again after 30 minutes! We're so torn over the situation. It's like wat my fren said, I don't want to be in your way, but I need to be as I have to learn.. So please bear with me? *hopeless grin*

I just hope all goes well as the time passes. I just can't stand the looks of the patients who are now petrified over the presence of my classmates and I. So sorry for all the inconvenience. All I can do now is take a deep breath, sigh, stop, change my perspective. And maybe, just maybe tomorrow will be a brighter day.
(I so wanna sing Anne's song now 'Tomorrow! tomorrow! I love you, tomorrow.. You're always a day away~~)

Till the next post

-karleen-

Excellence Award Ceremony

2010-01-28T04:26:00.001-08:00

I've always pictured what would it be like receiving awards at university level. Okie. I'm not like gila awards and stuff, but then the idea of getting into the dean's list is like so fantastic. Didn't help much with sis, being the smart ass that she is, to always be in the dean's list, n getting ever-so-great grades. Hmph! that certainly fuel up the enthusiasm.

So looks like my dream (okie more like fantasy) did come true after all. Weee~ Hahaha. All that late nights with my coco crunch did paid off eventually with dinner at a hotel in KK and a certificate to go with it. Weee~ So what if I din eventually turn out as the BEST student, I'm contented (although that piala did look very very nice indeed). So we arrived and took our seats.

Pictured from left Jeremy, Me, Michelle n Kok Leong

We actually were seated in another table around the corner, surrounded by all seniors and far far away from our frens. But we were so jahat as to switch places. Oops! :P Hey, it'd be like so weird and all okie? Anyway, the hotel view was quite nice I have to say.

Pictured here at the lobby, Kok Leong, Me and Michelle

We were taking like loads and loads of pictures until the organizing committee had to calm us down ,asking us to sit down. Oops again! hehehehe.. Can't blame us being all excited cos it was our first time coming to the award ceremony. Hahaha. Like melepaskan kambing out of kandang pula. Lol. Not that I'm saying I'm the kambing. :P

Pictured here at the stairs. Always imagine cinderella entering ballroom :P

So the nite went on, with food served in buffet style (wasn't all that fantastic, but edible though) where we munch down like we hadn't eaten for years! Lol. I think we were all like thinkin I'm eating my heart out for all that hard work and stress we had to go through to come here. Lol. So anyway, the award ceremony commenced.

Just look at that satisfied smile :P

It was so cool to go up and get your cert. Like practice to graduate in another 4 years time. Lol. That feeling was just so satisfying although it was like just for that 10 seconds. Hehehe. Thinking back when I was in first year, I have to admit, I did studied like a crazy woman. With sleeping as early as 7pm or sometimes even at 5pm, then waking up in the middle of the nite, all panic and just rushing to the table to grap my anatomy book out from the shelves. At least now it has gotten somewhat better in 2nd year.

Don't we look like we just graduated?

So, kudos for all people for my batch who made it. We did it! Weee~ As for the others, hopefully more of us will be there again next year. Hehehehe. Till then la. Karleen, Out!

p/s: To papa, hope u enjoyed reading this post! :)

-karleen-

Note to Self...

2010-01-19T23:18:00.000-08:00

He's.Just.not.That.Into.You.

Read it. Learn it. Memorise it. Practice it.

-karleen-

Family Day 2010

2010-01-16T23:23:00.000-08:00

Wow.. Yesterday was definitely fun! At first, I wasn't exactly excited about the activity during family day, more of meeting another someone there. However, that person decided to have a no show. Oh well. Nonetheless, I did have fun! (Seriously)

I think I was too excited the day of the family day that I actually woke up about 4 something. Call me crazy, but that's what I did. It was still raining when we left for the family day. I was thinking, "habisla.. Sure family day gone havoc!" It was like tat initially. But I hv to give props to the organizing committee. They managed to handle medical students plus nursing students plus MLT students! That's like wow. Cos medical students alone already enuf to make u pening kepala somemore campur with other students.

Started off as usual with opening ceremony bla bla bla.. The aerobic session wasn't as nice as last year. Sound system oso was not as loud. Oh well. Wa I like complaining a lot kan? I should stop. Then station games started. I dunno wat the heck happened tapi 1 bunch of gila guys from my class decided to join my teammates and I. So the whole time, the loudest voices that you can hear is from my team. And all d cheers was a result of Avatar. My gawd! the way they call themselves- Turoktomato (I dunno how to spell!) and add it into the cheer plus all d body shaking, it was hilarious. Glad they joined in. It did added the fun element to the day.

After all station games, it was like free time for us to mingle. What else to do? Jump into the water la! Weee~ I've always wanted to feel wat it was like to jump from the deck (i think it is called the deck), and it was awesome!! Lol. Water was sssooooo salty. But it was fun. Throw ppl into the water, splash water and all. Awesome! Then I was so smart pegi tukar baju and all to find out we had tug of war and they needed me (now here's one thing they need big ppl like me! haih~). Again like last year, I had to be the anchor (a.k.a the biggest girl in class). But it was okie. Cakap cakap saje la. We look at it from a different perspective, I am the strongest in class. Lol. Just look at my photos on FB and judge for urself. :)

After all the huha, finally came back. This morning woke up with so bad a sore on my back! All because of yesterday's tug of war! Kenapa la so 'bok meng'? haiyoyo. But it was all worth it, we won!! Weee~ Beat the first year plus the nursing students. But it was no less filled with controversy cos there were like ppl helping those pulling the rope, kacau-ing ppl pulling etc etc. But we have the bragging rights for a year! Weeee~ :)

Okie la. Have dinner to attend tonite. Till the next post. Will definitely put in photos next time to blog oso. View kat FB je la. :P

-karleen-

Long Day Finally Over

2010-01-13T19:42:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was so tiring!! Phew.. just glad that it is over..

Started off as usual with classes at 0800.. I got up at 5.ooam in d morning (don't ask me y, I just did). 2 whole long hour of dean's lecture (he's always asking us to talk loudly, but you have to like strain your neck just to hear him talking.. with a mic!) where I like fell asleep a few times. Oops! Lol. Then it was group discussion for our research proposal. I don't like epidemiology!! (I had to get it out of my system). Now we have to come up with a research proposal, with again all the IMRD stuff.. Help! Breathe Karleen, breathe!!

Okie. Then I basically had the afternoon off (yay!) so I spent most of it studying. (Can imagine Eileen shaking her head saying she's really a nerd). Well I can't help it! It's a short module where next week we're having yet another test! Haih.. I dunno what's going through the arrange-time-table-person's mind. Arrange it so packed. With research to do, drama to practice.. Somemore somemore everyday classes sure overtime, over 5 o'clock.. Then then next week like I said there's test and all.. HELP!! To add it all up, there's the planning of IMHC going on. Haih haih..

This few days always get so irritated over this one particular person. Let's put this person as 'A'. Okie. So this A loves to interfere with a lot of people's work. No matter what it is, A wants to be a part of it. So A is in the committee for one of our project, and A just loves to take over your job, leave it suddenly then take it back again. Then keep complaining or saying it's not good enough somemore somemore get's so irritated when others give opinion and shut them down just like that. So irritating you know. Then when A needs help, super nice to you all over again la. A total pain in the ass so so so irritating. Just talking about A will get me all fired up! I just need to get it out of my system once and for all. Phew~

So back to yesterday, after the afternoon off, I had to get down for drama practice which ended up a failure cos no compliance and everybody kept running away. Kesian the director. Then yesterday I had like one of the craziest meeting of all time. A meeting starting at 1am and ending at 4.30am!! Crazy kan? I basically slept at 10pm yesterday till 12.15am, then off to bed again at 0430 and up at 0630. Wa tiring ohr cos wake up then sleep and wake up all over again. Haih. Now I'm just hoping I survive this whole module.

Okie. Like daddy say, don't complain, just look at everything from a bright side and it'll all be alrite. With his wise words, I'll leave you guys here for now. Till the next post! XOXO

-karleen-

100110.. Just amazing

2010-01-10T21:16:00.000-08:00

Okie. So somehow I just liked the date yesterday, so I thought I'd just blog about it. Nice rite yesterday's date? 100110. All zeroes and ones.

So it started off well shocking. Why I say so? Well it was time for my second visit to my foster family in Kudat for this year. And, and, and.. We're like supposed to be down at the bus stop at 0630 to wait for the bus. When I got up, (well actually more of like my roomie got up n shrieked la) it was already.. 0619! Shit! Watudoo. Cepat-cepat bergesa-gesa go toilet, mandi and all la, get dressed then it was off to the bus stop. Reach at approx. 0700. Hey I was actually early! Bus was scheduled to leave at 0700 actually, and believe it or not, I was one of the few early birds. All those rushing, somemore knock here and there (I'm getting more accident prone by the day!), semua untuk tunggu kat bus stop jugak. Haih...

To make matters worse, bus came late, and we were off only at 0800. 1 hour wait imagine that! Somemore somemore.. I dunno kenapa la si driver to, he went east instead of west (metaphorically la, not that i know where east or west pun) to go pump petrol, then turn back then only we were off to Kudat! Another HOUR wasted just to go pump petrol. Sweat sweat. But then again, good oso la, cos I gotta sleep more on the bus! Weee~

After 3 whole hours of exhausting journey (Don't la imagine roads like PLUS highways, think Kuala Pilah that kinda road, but with more holes, and just as winding), we finally made it safe and sound to Sikuati. My poor foster mom was waiting anxiously for us aldy. She waited for like almost 3 hours for us! So paise la! So we had lunch, and the next thing we know, we were off to their house in the kampung.

I finally met baby Asyikin for the 2nd time already. Ok. This was how she looked like when I last saw her during the Raya break. She was only like 2 weeks old.

Adorable ain't she?

Well, after 6 months, here she is now..

Looking as precious as ever

Isn't it just fascinating, she can grow up so fat? She can even walk on the baby walker now! From the photo above don't we both look like sisters? Ok. Lemme clarify something. She's actually my foster mother's granddaughther. So that like makes me her.. Aunt! Omg! Lol. Well who wouldn't wanna be her aunt. Just look at her...

Cute eh?

She does look like a chinese rite? She's so adorable and her face is so chubby! Reminds me of me! Lol. I just wanna protect her from being pinched by all those horrible horrible person. They are just so evil! Hmmm.. (Patutla I chubby till now)

So after another exhausting ride back UMS, we didn't stop and rest there. My friends and I went straight out to KK on another shopping trip! Ok ok. Well not exactly shopping trip for me. Just that Bao Ling is heading off to KL tis Wed for EASMC (so jealous of her!), so she had to get some souvenirs from Philipino Market. It was so cheap there! Much cheaper than the morning market they have every Sunday! Hmph! the 4 of us that went even got for ourselves each similar bracelets! Like sisters pulak! Lol. Buy la although I don like wearing bracelets. Hehehe.

Then later on, we headed off to the newest, swankiest hot spot in KK. The..

Well the name says it all rite?

Metrojaya, Hush Puppies, Levi's, Voir and a whole lot more of exciting shops awaits to be opened. Can't wait! Hopefully it will be fully opened before I head of to Sandakan. Hehehe. They were having book sales at 30% off for best sellers. They even have Cecilia Ahern The Gift. (Jie you want me to get it for u?). So excited when I saw those books! Lol. Okie. Proves that I am a nerd. Who cares! Lol. We had Pizza for the nite. Then head on home for much needed rest.

(L-R) Michelle, Bao Ling, Me!

Before I head on to this story, lemme show u a pic first...

Ignore the spelling mistake please

Get the idea? Well if you still don't, let me have you look at another sneak peak..

Got it?

Okie okie. I'm too excited d. My story got published in the newspaper!! Weeee~ Yes yes. And please do read the title. Lol. Tak faham le. Lol. It was written by yours truly in Bahasa Kadazandusun! Weeee~ And it was printed on a color page, on my birthday!! OMG! Happy birthday to me again!

The whole article

I'm so proud of myself. Don't the pictures look fantastic? Hehehehe. Okie. I'm off to my next class now. Till my next post! In KD perhaps. Lol.

-karleen-

Bye bye 2009, Hello 2010

2010-01-09T10:18:00.000-08:00

Wow! It's 2010 already! Been like 3 months plus since i last updated my blog. Yikes! So what better way to start 2010 off with a new template? U likey??

Basically, 2009 has been filled with a lot of ups n downs. N i mean A LOT! There's this whole new life that I'm building here in KK with a bunch of crazy friends which i absolutely adore. But then again, you can't help but miss the comforts of home. Ok ok. I should stop complaining anymore now cos i don't want this to be an emo post.

So let's just sum up 2009. It has been yet another hectic year, but i can't help but to say i have such wonderful memories. Just last year, I've been to Taiwan for my AMSC conference [which i unfortunately got quarantined :), yet still had a blast], I've also managed to visit jie in AUH which i always enjoyed, there's the health promotion for 2 weeks in Kg Tongod, Climbing Mount KK which was absolutely awesome! Oh yea, did I mention i went water rafting in Padas River too! It was absolutely amazing [although i did injured my toe and ended up with a swollen toe for a whole week! lol]. U know as i write on abt my experiences in 2009, i can't help but think i m 1 clumsy person. Sure sustain some kind of injury somehow wan from everywhere. Lol. I guess that's to make me remember the experiences more. Lol. Besides all these trips, I've also gotten so much just by being a medical student. I would definitely say that I've grown (although still accident prone). Hey that actually rhymes!

2009 aside, new year, new aspirations, new.. well everything! Lol. This year promises to be yet another hectic year, of cos fabulous at the same time. Hehehe. Mid of this year will be the much anticipated IMHC (International Mental Health Conference) organized by AMSA UMS. This is such a huge event, although we're like facing so much of roadblocks now, I really hope we can pull through. Then there's also moving from KK all the way to Sandakan come Jun/July. Bye bye preclinical year, hello clinical years (if i make it through this sem's final exams, keeping my fingers crossed!). I'll definitely miss preclinical years, but I can't help but get all excited about postings in hospitals! Lol.

So what's more for this year? Well not much has been planned as yet. But I really hope it's as awesome or not more awesome than 2009. Cheers to 2010! :) Till the nest post (which will be vy vy soon. Promise.. hehehehe..

P/s: definitely will try updating more this year. :P

-karleen-

Mount KK expedition

2009-09-13T22:26:00.000-07:00

Merdeka 2009... Never will i forget that day.. Gawd! Thinking back i really did it!! Lol.. After thinking about it so long, i even trained for it.. I made all the way to the summit!! Yay to me!! :)

I wud say to all u guys who loves challenging urself, pushing urself to the limit, here's a good way to start.. I knew it was gonna be tough, but honestly, I really thought of stopping at times.. But not for long cos the urge to continue on to climb to the summit was stronger.. Jalan jugak no matter how tired or in desperation of air.. Lol.. exaggerate habis2!!

So we started off from the Mersilau Gate late at abt 9.30 when we were supposed to take off at 8! True M'sian spirit huh? Anyway we took off with 22 of us all jalan-ing together, but the next thing u kno it, be4 reaching 1km all broken up into groups d.. There was like another 4 guys in front of me, n i was behind with another fren of mine n we went on to walk all the way to Laban Rata together..

We took an estimated 6 hours and 20 minutes to reach to Laban Rata after walking/climbing for 8.2km.. For those who have climbed before, sure u guys wondering kenapa la 8.2km.. Cos the other route up is from Timpohon Gate which is like 2km shorter.. yes u heard me.. 2KM!! So we walked like 2km more!! Lol.. But no regret la.. Cos the road kat Mersilau gate had much nicer view.. and then it was up and down road la.. so balance it up la.. Kalau kat Timpohon gate, besides the Carson Fall rite at the beginning, nothing else all the way up.. So worth it oso la in a way from Timpohon Gate..

One thing i din like about the route up from Mersilau Gate was tat at points there were stairs up.. wait lemme finish first.. the stairs were made of like planks.. wood la.. but it was vy kecik punya wood, and look vy unstable.. i forgot to take pic pula.. but don like tat steps la.. cos like kalau kat timpohon gate kan, all memang stairs up, but it was solidly filled wan.. so one whole feet can step on the steps.. tapi untuk mersilau can't.. u get d idea? even I'm confusing myself..

Then at 5.5km, tat's where the 2 routes up join lo, then climb all the way up to Laban Rata, our rest stop.. tapi half way up tat road, i was like almost half dead d.. keep stopping.. not fit la!! lol.. then after tat, thank god i did not like sit and take a rest on the way up until i read 3/4 of a journey.. cos if i had done tat since the beginning, i'd be dead by the time i reach up.. So to all future climbers, please listen to ur guides advice and continuously climb, don stop too long or sit too long, u'd get super lazy and will take even longer, get even more tired to continue ur journey up the mountain..

When i finally caught a glimpse of a building, a concrete building and not a hut (cos there were rest huts all the way up), i was so happy!! tired tired oso go go go!! when reach straight plop on the chair, drink lots and lots of water.. half way up d.. not bad.. I was starving at tis point, hurled down all d food tat was meant for lunch.. satisfaction!! lol.. then can eat dinner somemore at 5pm.. tat was how hungry i was! Lol.. lunch at 4pm, dinner at 5pm.. okie la, it was 5.30pm.. then chit chatted as we waited the others to come up then head on up to our dorm to zzz...

Slept at abt 9pm, and had to wake up at 1am for supper to continue on our climb up mount kk.. we started at about 2.30am.. i had coco crunch after so long.. for those who dunno i was like crazy for coco crunch last sem.. everyday coco crunch for breakie.. gila rite?? Lol.. the way up was tricky i wud say.. cos the route was narrow, and some ppl just tak pakai otak punya, tunggu kat rite in the middle of the road!! hello?? tunggu la kat tepi!! Lol.. d starting journey was vy similar to the route up from the previous day but then after tat was rope up all the way.. at place it was so tricky up!! u had to trust ur shoes so much!!! Cos it was slanting 45 degree then u jln up la in an up rite position.. teruk2.. but we din really noticed tat, cos all we had in mind was, climb climb!! wanna reach the peak!!

We kept like a positive attitude all the way up.. every1 kept saying, in another 5 min we'll reach.. 5 more min.. 5 minute turned out to be an hour!! thank god i had my guide, Abang Lajuni who was showing us all the selok-belok up the mountain.. made our life a whole lot simpler.. lol.. seriously.. when we finally reach the peak.. we were literally jumping up and down.. so happy!! we made it!! wat else to do?? camwhore la..

Then we watched the beautiful sunrise, before heading back down.. i was so scared, seriously scared to go down.. it was as if i was gonna tumble down anytime.. cos i told u kan.. 45 degree walking up rite le!! Reminded me so much of d incidence of jatuh tergolek masuk longkang ketika beli kuih kat pd.. malu saje.. can tumble turn somemore u kno!! falling with grace le.. lol.. Thank goodness i had d others who i could hold on to go down.. like gentlemen escorting a lady pula.. cheh wah.. tak tau malu!! Lol..

Then we had our breakie n continued on jalan till timpohon gate to balik Kinabalu park then to UMS.. all the way down, i was actually thinking thank god we took the other road, cos tis road was tough.. climbing up steps of various sizes all the way up.. not fun le!! although 2km shorter.. d more i jln down, the more my legs ached.. cos it was so hurtful on the knees!! when we finally saw the 500m mark, we literally sprinted to the gate!! we made it!! weee~

All in it was seriously a gr8 adventure, even more special doin it with a bunch of close frens.. so let's c the to-do list in Sabah:
1. Go snorkeling. Done
2. Go Tip of Borneo. Done
3. Go Labuan buy lots and lotd of choc. Done and put on a few pounds :(
4. Conquer mount KK. (proudly) done!!
So wat's left?
1. Visit other islands in Sabah esp Sipadan
2. Learn diving
3. Go water rafting. (Going tis wednesday.... weeee~)

Well the list goes on.. Like i said, going water rafting tis wednesday.. wish me luck!! For tis mount kk trip i hv aldy uploaded photo kat facebook.. just have a look there and leave comment yea!! :) till the next post~

-karleen-