Sticky Situations

Remember the sticky situation that I mentioned about last time? Well it's time that i explain myself why I feel this way.

Back in medical school, I would occasionally hear comments such as 'Malaysia so many doctors, every Ali, Abu or Ah Cow also can become doctors already', 'Houseman/doctors nowadays no quality wan', 'doctors now not like last time, know how to complain only', 'doctors now more than patients in the ward, no need to work already' etc etc... You get the idea? However that time it didn't really bother me that much, cause technically it didn't affect me, just the future me, so brush it off.

Fast forward, 2015, I'm now at my 5th posting, about to go on to the 6th (provided no extensions, *fingers crossed*). Throughout my almost 2 years, I would say that I've had my fair shares of awful/ hurtful/ degrading/ disappointing/ downright demotivating comments be it from the public, the superiors or even the staff nurse FOL even staff nurses also more 'powderful' than us.

Photo courtesy of one pint normal saline.

This is true. Houseman nowadays in my opinion at times are not even being treated like a human being needless to say a doctor. Breakfast is a luxury, don't even think about lunch, and on rare occasions where you can go back on time ('woo~hoo!'), that alone makes your day. You do input output charting for patients and somehow you'll forget your own input and output. By the time you reach home you'll realize the last you pee-d was 12 freaking hours ago! No this is not a post to depict how pitiful houseman are and being regarded as ungrateful species in the hospital. This is a mere post of a houseman who is tired of hearing all negativity about her job.

I had always been unhappy about the judgmental ways the public view my profession. I'm not asking for the public to like look upon us like 'god-like', but you know stop being so.. judgmental (okay I've ran out of vocabs). Every now and then you'll get newspaper articles that goes 'overflowing of doctors in Malaysia' , 'doctors pricking patients 'hidup-hidup' with no sympathy', 'doctors robbing patients of their sleep'. And the latest?

I just had to put my own spin in to it.. 'From doctors to dishwashers now?'
(pic below from helping out at grandma's shop'

See, I wouldn't say that everyone in my profession are saints. There are one or two rotten apples. However, that doesn't give the rights to keep pushing us down so much so that it just make us (or me) feel demotivated to even go to work at times. I'm sure everyone has their own kinds of stress going to work. But in my shoes, with the public regularly scrutinizing every single move that I make during work, how can I be comfortable at my own work place? Worst yet, any mistakes, and I mean any in the hospital, usually housemans are one to be blamed for first. You don't believe it. Let me give you a few examples.

Just a few days back, the lifts in the hospital broke down. (don't jump to conclusion yet, they didn't blame it on too many houseman/ houseman nowadays too berat d break down the lift) See there are a few lifts in the hospital designated for garbage disposal/ to transport linens. So yeah that lift broke done (nothing new there except this happened to a new building.. why am I not surprised?). So these workers used the general lift (which we use to transport patients and even ourselves up and down the building. So my superiors were getting agitated at home filthy the lifts was and how uncivilized (yes I repeat uncivilized) these people are at making the lifts so dirty. Then the issue of mask (hospital disposable mask in which we're supposed to throw  in the biohazard bins, yes I know the protocol.. eh hem) being thrown on the ground, on the railings, staircases. It's disgusting I know. But the next thing I know one of my superiors actually turned around and like 'you all were not taught where to throw your rubbish is it?'

They were just saying how 'uncivilized' and now you're implying it to us?

That was exactly how I felt! I felt.. so offended! I know how to dispose off my rubbish, why are you generalizing the whole situation to us? As if no one else uses masks in the hospital? (Ok I shall not generalize the whole hospital for blaming the situation to us also). But how can you even.. argh! Even I get agitated when I see people throwing rubbish everywhere but in the bin, but I don't say it's you! I mean it's basic civics (I think that's why the government created civics in the mainstream education). I do believe in this sentence though 'common sense are so uncommon nowadays'. Haih. Like blaming the whole public pula now. I wished I had the power to give a saman/fine to anyone who throw rubbish everywhere then maybe our country will be as clean as Singapore. OCD flare up!

Situation 2. This occurred to me a few days ago too. I was early (on time) for my CME in the clinic. By 11.30am most of my MOs where not in the clinic yet. As we had food, of course and I went and gotten my share early and even had time to wash up so as to not have to queue up later. The perks of being early. So as I was washing up my bowl with my friend, a specialist of mine asked (may I add in a very judgmental tone) 'which ward are you from? Why are you all down and your MOs not down yet? Let your MO do all the work? (okay the last one was my own sentence but that was what I feel she was trying to imply)' (the same specialist who asked me to 'shut up!' after asking me to explain for something I've done.. see emotional torture! - real story)

Say what??!

I was post call that day (okay fine post night.. and yes we have post night off.. That's my right might as well use it!), and I even had the courtesy of coming early/on time. Before that there was this whole fuss about us not having enough compulsory attendance for all the weekly meetings they have and they even made a huge fuss over it! One friend of mine even got extended for it saying it was a mere 'technical extension'.  On our defense, they make us come every week 3 times, to complete a total of 20 compulsory activities carried out by the said department. Sounds easy enough as technically you only have to come 1/2 of what's scheduled in a span of 4 months. Wrong! They'll cancel it at the last minute and some poor guy would have already driven all the way down from Putrajaya or something to find that it's cancelled last minute, on his day off! (never mind petrol on RM 1.91 now) How about falling on public holidays? Automatically cancelled. For me, I would even come during my off days and post call offs just to finish the compulsory attendance (FML.. no life outside hospital). And still have specialist say you all don't come during your off days that's your fault. Argh!!! Like talking to a wall. Luckily there are some who are understanding and back us up. For you all I say..

So much of emotions! Maybe I'm just PMS-ing. I did explain to the said specialist me coming on my post call off and he/she didn't say anything and walk off. hmmm...

 In the end of it all, I think what I wanted to say/convey is this. I think there's too much of a hierarchy system working in Malaysia. When I was doing my electives in Australia, I remembered the consultants, the specialists, registrar and interns (and they even invited me along, a mere medical student), sitting down, enjoying a cup of coffee together, and just chatting like a group of friends, like a team. I felt a sense of belonging there. I think (for me maybe), although houseman rotates every 4 months, they just want a sense of belonging in the department and not just treated as disposable. 'who will be the ones taking all the blood stat and running down to the lab for them to run it immediately?', 'who would be the one requesting for all the urgent ultrasound/CT scan/MRI from radiologists?', 'who would be the one bugging the lab for investigation results/formal reports?' etc etc. I'm not saying I'm a perfect houseman, I'm still learning, but how much have you taught me so far in my whole almost 2 years working and you are the one blaming us for lack of knowledge? I know it's self learning but blaming has always been the easy way out. So..

So much of frustrations! But I still love my job. Yes I do! The smile on the face of the gentleman who you've been taking care of for past 1 month, so ill that you think you'll lose him, WALKING OUT of the hospital! That's priceless. Or the gratefulness shown by parents who brought their child who had been vomiting and having loose stools till they are so severely dehydrated and lethargic, leaving the hospital with a happy cheerful child. Now that's what I love about this job. So I guess I don't just enjoy the perks of being a houseman, but also the downside of it and just carry on and toughen up!

As I embark on my journey to completing my housemanship, I hope I've had enough training (although I'll have to admit I've not been hardworking enough to study.. konflik dalam diri) to prepare myself for what's in store for my future. Time to buck up and not rest on my laurels and prepare myself for the real world outside. I hope to not turn into one of those superiors who go like 'houseman nowadays..', I just want to do my best, and yes still a lot of things to learn. Time to head back to the books! Till the next post! (sigh of relieve to get this off my chest)

-KaRLeeN-