Awaiting for the Rainbow

April has really been like disastrous for me. Like seriously a bad month that I just want to put it behind and forget about it. Or think of it as just a bad dream and when I wake up it'll all be alrite.

A series of unfortunate events occurred during that month with one that really broke/shattered my heart. Maybe I was wrong, maybe it wasn't meant to be. What if I've done it differently? What if I've gotten the courage to fix the situation? So many maybe's and what if's, it just isn't worth thinking about it for now.

My May hasn't been like real bad not has it been awesome. Just passing a day at a time. Yes I still reminisce about old times because I think I'm a person who holds on to the past and takes a little more time than the average people to let go. Memories will just flood back, I felt as though tears would stream down my face. However, it's just stuck, wouldn't come out.

So for now I'm just waiting for a sign, for the rainbow to appear. Omg like am I having a quarter life crisis??! I think it's more of an experience to help me grow. I've never regretted what had happened in the past, instead I'm thankful. Thankful that I had this experience. But then being humans, we always want something more. I've never thought of myself as greedy, at times I'd think to myself am I asking too much. But I guess god has better plans for me. *fingers crossed*

I'm still at the stage of bargaining-acceptance with on and off anger and depression. I sound like I'm having MDD. It'll just take time before the rainbow appears after the rain. I'm optimistic like that. Till the next post.