Forever in My Heart.. I'll Miss You

As I frantically browse through my folders for just a picture of you, just so to feel closer to you, to convince myself I've not treated you badly... Folders after folders I checked, blog posts after posts I checked, albums after albums, trying so hard, alas, I still couldn't find even 1. :(

I've always taken for granted for many things in life. Always complaining, like the saying goes ' the grass is always greener on the other side'. Rarely, will I ever say stuff like ' I'm so thankful for the things I've been blessed with and will forever treasure in my heart'. When I got the phone call this morning, more like the misscall, I was excited. My parents actually called me! Different from the others, I actually love my parents till death and will always be excited talking to them, keeping up-to-date with what's going on. But then, this phone call will forever change our lives.

I've always been called as 'pak mui' since I was young as I was so fair. You've given me this name and will always call me affectionately with this name. How I wish you could do it another time, but I guess things just don't always work out the way you want them to. Then there are other names such as 'zhu yok gai yok mui' or 'xiao ling', but 'pak mui' will forever be your no1 choice. Oh how much I miss you! :(

I remembered the last trip I took down to visit you. I was filled with fury, anger as the trip just didn't go the way I wanted it to. With the car breaking down in Kuantan and all. It just wasn't pleasant. When we arrived at your house, you were ever so welcoming! Honestly, while staying there, I wasn't the nicest person ever. I kept complaining, not directly, but deep inside my heart. I remembered. How I wish I could slap myself at that time, and just thank the lord that I was there, with you.

Travelling hasn't always been good with me. With motion sickness ever since I was young, travelling such a long distance always present as a challenge to me. Vomiting was normal, so I've always hated travelling long distance. With you so far, we've only travelled once every 2-5 years to see you. How irresponsible of me? How could I have treated you that way? I hadn't call, I hadn't text just to ask simple questions like 'how are you?'. How ignorant of me. Sigh

You always liked sitting next to me while eating. Everytime you'll say 'pak mui lei, tong ngo cho la' (Pak mui come sit next to me). Then I would hesitate for a moment then go sit by your side. How I would travel, even in a 10 hours journey just to have a meal beside you. How bad I have been to you. And all I can do now is beg for your forgiveness.

They say time heals it all. I hope my mom will stay strong through this challenge in life. What I can do for you now is promise you, I will be a better person. I will take good care of my mother on your behalf. I will make you proud. With you looking down from heaven, I know I'm blessed to have you in my life. Thank you so much. And I hope you'll forgive me for all my wrongs. I love you with all my heart and the tears in my eyes have dried. I will be strong, I promise.

-KaRLeEn-

Ending the year with a BANG!

As 2011 inches closer, I'm really ready to end 2010 in a bang. And I mean a BANG literally. Ok I think I might just be confusing you guys now. Let's begin the story from yesterday shall we?

I was just about to get out of the car when I notice the car tire seems to be slightly flatter over the driver's side (yes I know I'm heavy bla bla bla). So anyway I kept putting it in my mind to pump in air to the tyres on the wat back from hospital the next day which is today. But then, today I was fetching my friend back home and it was 10.30am in the morning! To pump air under the scorching hot weather in formal clothes? The idea was just unpleasant. So I said to myself I'll come out some time later to pump in the air.

So as I procrastinate the whole afternoon with online-ing, some studying, and even napping in between, I finally won the battle within me and got off my chair and into the car. Then I was thinking, why not kill 2 birds with a stone? I'll just head to the stadium for a jog then on the way back I'll pump the car tyres. Wa la! Brilliant!

As I head into the park, I was feeling so good about myself all of a sudden. Respiratory system working just fine with no more of my usual shortness of breath what-so-ever. So I decided to challenge myself and jog. The park was quite crowded as it was still school holidays and the weather was so fine! No signs of rain at all. I skilfully evaded all the people walking or jogging slower than me (Proud.. lol), I was feeling so good cos I weren't gasping for air at all. Then it had to happen, at that tragic moment, I somehow lost my balance (Not sure was the floor slippery or the uneven road), trying my very best to use the function of my ears and cerebelum to ensure I don't fall, but then it had to happen.

Wham! If my mom was there, she would have said I looked like a big nangka (jackfruit) falling down. Ouch! I fell flat on my face. Even knock my teeth. As I carefully arise, with the help of a mother daughter pair, they were kind enough to offer me towel, asking if I'm alright, checking whether I was able to stand or not. I was in shocked cos there was blood coming out from my mouth! As adrenaline rushed through my blood, I didn't feel pain at all that moment. That moment I was just a strong strong girl. Actually the first thing that came into my mind was Michelle Foo is so gonna kill me for this! So I said goodbye and thank them so much for their help and rushed off to wash my wound.

The pain soon set in. How I dread washing the injury as I know it would be painful. I actually kinda fell like how I did back when I was standard 2. Luckily, this time, I did not make myself a moustache and a beard. More like scraped my lips. I quickly washed off and headed back home. No point in me jogging any further rite? I was thinking to pump air into my car tyres, but then the pain was too unbearable. As I came home, Michelle was shocked! She kept telling about theories of jogging hazards, how she kept telling me not to go jogging etc etc. But then she was so nice to me la. Bathing was a pain! I wonder how I'm gonna go through that again tomorrow!

So how bad is my injury?? Here's some photos..

My Scraped elbow..

Now up close.. It hurts bad!

My scraped legs post yellow lotion

My swollen lips.. Pardon my un-perfect teeth..

So there it is. Been ages since I last fell. How I hate falling down. It's a fear to me seriously. Roomies were nice enough to buy yellow lotion for me. Hopefully I won't have scars in the end of this. Now as I can't seem to close my mouth, I'm having slight dehydration over my mouth, and my throat is gonna sore tomorrow. Hopefully what I foresee won't come true. What a way to end 2011. And yes, my baby car is safe. No worries about it. No bangs with the car (touch wood!). Hopefully no more accidents after this! Till the next post. I still hadn't figure out my new year's resolution. Let this be the first...

1. More carefully while jogging, walking or doing anything for that matter. No more MCC (mong ca ca or blur case)

-KarLeEn-

How much I love Christmas!

Been a long time since I penned down my thoughts here. Not that I didn't have anything to say (like that's even possible!), just that everytime I wanted to write, something keeps popping up! So this time I'm saying NO! I'm writing this no matter what. Sense the determination there.

I've always liked Christmas from young. There's all these catchy tunes that's so easily sung and memorised. This year I finally found a song that describes how much I feel this christmas. Here it is..

I dunno. I've been having this crush for more than a year now, and it's killing me inside. Shit! Shouldn't say that during Christmas no. Oops! So anyway, this year's Christmas wasn't all that bad, actually it was awesome! Had a great time with a bunch of friends here. How much I love them! Pics are posted on FB so feel free to leave your comments. :)

Started off with Christmas eve with all of us coming over to celebrate Christmas together. Just a small do with gift exchange and lots of fun and games. It is so rare to have all of us gather together for Christmas! If we were to be in KK, I strongly doubt that this event could ever happen. So it's a good thing that we actually came to Sandakan. M loving this place so much so that I think I'd miss it for sure once I'm back in KK.

So came Christmas morning, all of us got dressed for Christmas brunch at Sabah Hotel. The food was ok I guess, nothing that'll make you go 'Ooh and Aah'. But the setting and atmosphere was just nice and with the crazy company around, it was so much fun! Loads of camwhore moments and just laughters after laughters. The fun didn't stop there, we even went on for Karaoke and sang our hearts out till our voices nearly (yes nearly) broke. Listening to Mad singing in Chinese was just hilarious. She was trying so hard! Lol. Then guilt hit me, and I had a fat moment which prompted me to go for a jog (I mean a walk). It was good! Will definitely miss the pond over the stadium in UMS. Finished the day off with a gathering in doctor's house. 1Malaysia definitely seen in the house. :)

So what else has been up despite this few days? Currently in Surgical posting and I can't seem to get my fat ass up and start working! I'm so angry at myself but I somehow lose the battle within myself. Oh well. Hopefully it gets better. Oh yea! I hadn't mention to you about a certain surgeon here before have I. He's just the best doctor ever! He's so kind to his patients, and although he runs the whole department by himself, after a tiring day of work, work and more work, he would still smile at us and patiently teach us during our BSTs. He's just an inspiration and easy on the eyes too. *Laughs* He's just great. :)

So in like less than a weeks time it'll be new year! I better get my head together and think of my new year's resolution. And this time, the new year resolution stays! *fingers crossed* Till the next post!

-KaRlEen-

p/s: still working on my singing skills of singing '12 days of christmas'. The song is so tongue twisting that I actually made the song violent/sexual. lol.